Naijawife and I were asked why we had separate bathrooms on Twitter recently.
I answered that it was to save our marriage from self-destruction.
I have serious bathroom “beef” with my wife. So great in fact that I’ve asked her to write a response to this post and tell her own side of the story. For now, here is my take on the issue. I love my wife. I really do. Her quirks and little “skoin skoin” are just part of a complete package. She can wrap me around her little finger any time of the day without even uttering a single word. But I cannot share a bathroom with her. We both run off to work at the same time in the morning and having two bathrooms helps us get prepared at the same time, without having to wait on the other person. Yes, a mature and loving couple who understands how to share time and space in a peaceful manner would be able to accomplish this same feat with just one bathroom. But that couple probably doesn’t include my wife. My wife enjoys the shower, but doesn’t enjoy actually getting in it. She enjoys the sound of it, the mist that ensues from it, she enjoys walking around it, standing near it, steaming up her mirror with it and leaving me love notes in the condensation. She loves everything that has to do with the shower, except actually getting into it. On a typical morning, my wife will wake up and announce that she’s going to shower. Let’s say it is 8am. She will go into the bathroom and turn on the shower, then walk away. She will proceed back to our bed where she will engage in certain elaborate rituals. She will fold her nighty and bring out the clothes she wants to wear for the day. She will iron those clothes. She will pick out her jewelry and undies and lay them next to her clothes.
It is 7:15 am. The shower is still running. My wife will walk back into the bathroom and brush her teeth. Then walk out again, evaluate her clothes on the bed and head into the closet to see if she can pick out a better outfit.
It is 7:30am. The shower is still running. Deciding she can’t be bothered to get a better outfit, she will walk back into the bathroom and use the toilet. Then walk out again and proceed to the kitchen to make herself some snacks to take to work. Did I mention that she does all this completely naked? (It’s the only redeeming factor about this whole scene)
It is 7:45 am. the shower is still running. My wife is combing her hair in our bedroom. She asks me “Do you like this style? Should I put it back in braids?” I can barely answer, because the steam from the bathroom has now crept out of the bathroom and is slowly landing on my face. I feel as though I’m in a sauna. She likes the water hot even though it is boiling outside and the AC is broken. I reply her with a question “Are you going to shower? The water is still running…” “In a minute.” She replies. She is watching a funny video on her laptop. She asks me to look at the video and laugh as well. I am looking at the clock on the wall.
It is 8:10 am. I have to be at work by 9:00. My wife finally enters the shower. I get a funny idea that I should try to shower with her so that I can save time and not be late for work. Maybe she’ll find it romantic. I jump in with her. I jump out. The water is scalding hot. What is it with women and boiling water? At this point, my ire is growing. Not only has she wasted an hour dancing around her shower, she has almost burnt me alive with the hot water. I snatch some items from her bathroom and run off to the guest bathroom.
It is 8:30am. I am officially late for work when I get out of the guest bathroom. The wife is fully dressed and immaculate. She is sitting on the bed, arms crossed, tapping her fingers lightly on her forearm. She asks “Why did you take so long in the bathroom? I’m dressed and waiting for you and now I’m going to be late for work!” I ignore her and start to get dressed. She interrupts my dressing to say “Sweetie. you missed a spot. You haven’t lotioned your knees.” I am a man, I think to myself. I do not need to “lotion” my knees or cream any part of my body for that matter. I am wearing a full suit to the office, who will see my knees? I contemplate replying her, but realize it would be futile. I lotion my knees.
It is 8:45 am. I get an email on my blackberry telling me not to miss the meeting scheduled for 9 am. I begin to speed dress. She interrupts me again. “What of your face? Won’t you put lotion on your face?”
It is 8:59am. I run out of the door. I call her on the phone after my meeting and tell her not to “binu si mi”. She relents, albeit reluctantly. I think about the cost of this water. When I get back home later that night, I find that she has moved all my things into the guest bathroom. She has placed a large jar of lotion on the guest bathroom sink and a note on our previously shared bathroom door. It reads “Ashy husbands not welcome in here.”
She hugs me and tells me to grab some food. She is off to bed…after she showers.
This cracked me up plenty! I love the part where she’s walking about naked. How do you even manage to sit still -_-
Your wife should remember that fresh water resources are running low o.
I sit still alright! (but follow her with my eyes) Eventually though, my annoyance overrides my desire as I think about how much water she is wasting.
Lol! Excellent solution to your dilemma and in your case, practical too… at least for now. Waiting to get Naijawife’s take on this 🙂
I love this story …. Laughed so much. You sound like a lovely fun couple!…. My favourite part: you jumped in the shower and you jumped out again lwtmb!!! I do the same thing that is take my bath with scalding hot water. I don’t know but its refreshing!
I’m guessing it’s a female thing? My wife claims it makes her feel better after a long day
probably is. After a day @ d gym I look forward to that scalding water!! Rule number 1 : women are weird! completely. Don’t try to make sense of what we do … u will run mad! 😀
I love very hot showers too must be a female thing
i don’t know why*
LMAOOO…Good LOrd!!! What kind of clay was used in creating you both?!!!! LMAO! I like hot water only when it is very cold, abeg!
I am sure going to love Naijawife’s version!
I’m worried about Naija Wife’s version. She’s promised to literally “open my yansh”.
She did open your yansh for real. Sorry ehn, lolssss
Coming to this blog was obviously not a mistake….my fav part is “The wife is fully dressed and immaculate. She is sitting on the bed, arms crossed, tapping her fingers lightly on her forearm. She asks “Why did you take so long in the bathroom? I’m dressed and waiting for you and now I’m going to be late for work!”…..Makes me wanna get married. God bless Naija Wife and Naija Husband. By the time Naija Kids are here…cant imagine how sweet this blog would be. #runs off to do my work# before dem give pesin query abegg
Thanks Izzi. I received a query once myself. Please avoid at all costs! (But stay posted!)
Hahahaha! Love it! I thought I was the only one with the bathing ‘ritual’ of going in and out and announcing time and time again that ‘I’m going to have a shower’… and I loveeee hot hot water – it soothes you, you can literally feel the tension wash off *sigh* LOL.. My housemates used to complain about it a LOT + they had the added benefit of me staying in the shower for a minimum of 30mins – Needless to say, as much as possible everyone ensured they showered before me haha… I love NaijaWife!
Looking forward to her own version of events! 😀
God bless Naijahusband and Naijawife! xxxx
I love this story! so hilarious and I love using hot water to shower, come rain, shine, cold, spring, I use hot water all the way so I can relate with Naijawife. I cant wait for her own version of the story..
lwkm! so funny. I can actually relate with the hot water thing. Its weird but no matter the temp I just feel better after a hot bath.(the kind of hot water used to kill chicken)lol.
Wise decision on not answering and just humbly applying the lotion. lol
So when is the other side of this story being posted, cos I know its going to be sweeter.( i’m taking sides already)
She’s typing away o. Viciously I might add. Follow us for the update!
LOL I sure had fun reading this post… You both sure come across as a fun couple… Hope to read her response shortly.
I feel her on the lotion part big time, I’ve never understood why anyone: not necessarily males (who are the usual culprits) would be nonchalant about lotion…
I like to think my body has a self lotioning mechanism…she thinks I’m mistaken
LOoooooool!!How do u manage to be still with her walking about naked?
Can you take a shower before she does? Yay? Or Nah?
Warm baths are relaxing… 🙂
I wonder why some men don’t use body creams though… Vaseline maybe?
I would take a shower before her….but that would require more effort on my part and I sincerely lack incentive.
Omg! I’m laughing out loud as I read this in the office. Nobody warned me. I should leave the rest till I get home. Now going to follow @naijawife . What does it matter if you share a bathroom anyways when you’re such a fun couple. 🙂 too cute. LOL
Lmaoooooooo Oh goodness, i love you both already. leme gaan read hers too biko. Your blog is making my night…abi morning sef
LOL. You had me laughing all through. Can’t wait to read Naija Wife’s side of the story. Almost taking her side cos I LOVE hot hot baths and I think she and I should start a campaign against ashy men all around the world. lol.
Anywayz, still a big fan of Naija Husband.
Thank you. I need more people on my side to win this argument.
I only drink cold water, no matter the weather i cant be caught having my bath with cold water…..mbanu…..I casint fit….
Hahahahaha! Hilarious post. Try getting into the shower before her, won’t you? LOL!
Really cracked me up,lol
I leave the shower running too. I like the sound of it while ironing or doing other morning rituals . not a good idea when I am married to a man who likes to conserve natural reasource for his wallets sake.
Please oh, what do you peeps mean by “ashy men”
Ashy – When your skin resembles ashy powdery substance….masquerade style
Hilarious!!!!!I absolutely love
God bless u guys seriously and naijawife I’m feeling u seriously cos I also do d in between shower arrangements too
lol smh u both are crazy .. u deserve eachother
Even after listening to both sides of the story, i’m still stunned! All i can say is that you both are perfect for each other (seriously considering the separate bathroom ish too)
Shout Out from Toronto….I loved reading this, you are hilarious. Naija wife is the bomb and yes Ashyness is a no no so make use of that large jar of lotion.
like seriously just got a link into this post. cant stop giggling…its so cool and am sure gonna light up issues to talk about in the home nice one sha!am not siding NW oo buh all d while shez picking clothes and doing all dos stuffs wat were you doing dat u dint shower up on time?
In fact, I can totally relate. In this case, it’s my better half that is annoying. My partner by law will go into the bathroom at 7:00am and does not come out until 7:40. He says he reconnects with all his ancestors in there. And because we have just the heater in the main bathroom upstairs, going to take my bath in the bathroom downstairs is not an option most mornings. So most times, I take my bath before him and end up making up and dressed and watching my make up fade away before hubby saunters out of the bathroom still grumbling that I woke up late and should have woken earlier and now it’s my fault we are going to leave the house late. I will not lie by saying throwing him down the stairs has never crossed my mind before.
lol, i find this write very hilarious. i luv very hot water bath all the time, cos it’s usually very refreshing. i find d part where she was alla dressed and waiting for after wasting most of the time herself. but it’s all ur fault cos u have to enter into shower for the second time. hahahaha courtesy, her invitation. i trust ur family must be the fun-filled type. no family without women, world would be so boring with naijawives, we make d world revolve round and round again. pls when is her own side of the story be ready? cant wait to read sure is gonna be funnier than this. thumbs up to all naijawives
lol, i find this write very hilarious. i luv very hot water bath all the time, cos it’s usually very refreshing. i find d part where she was all dressed and waiting for u after wasting most of the time herself. but it’s all ur fault cos u have to enter into shower for the second time. hahahaha courtesy, her invitation. i trust ur family must be the fun-filled type. no family without women, world would be so boring without naijawives, we make d world revolve round and round again. pls when is her own side of the story be ready? cant wait to read sure is gonna be funnier than this. thumbs up to all naijawives!
Ahahahaaa! Naijawife is all that and a pack of pekere! With all due respect to romance, I come and believe couples should each have their bathrooms – except you head out to work at completely different times. Why fight?