Why my wife hates heels
Why my wife hates heels

Naijawife has presented the case to me from every angle:

“It’s the subjugation of the female gender!”
“Do you want me to suffer under the cruel heel of masculine oppression engendered by these masochistic shoes?”
“Do you want me to develop corns on my toes?” “Do you want me to have clawed feet when I get older and have to walk with a cane?”
“If I fall and break my neck nko? What will you tell my family?!” 

I’m certain that within my email inbox lies the complete collection of every newspaper article and scientific journal note discussing the effects of heels on women’s feet, backs, balance, fertility…and overall sanity.

Don’t get me wrong. I agree with everything the experts have to say…

But I still want her to wear them.

Truth is, I could care less what the result will inevitably be from wearing heels. I wish she’d wear them to work, I wish she’d wear them while doing chores…I even wish she’d wear them to bed.

If she likes she should continue protesting and sending me articles. Fact still remains that I. LIKE. THEM.

Because when she wears them, all I see is

I’ll carry her wherever she needs to go. She should just wear them

I’ve talked about the battles we have in our home over the television, but there are many other regular skirmishes over this heels issue. Usually, when the weekend rolls around, the wife and I will have some event to go to.  On such days, Naijawife will model for me (she likes to do that) to show me a few potential outfits and ask “What do you think?

I’ll nod, smile (as I think she wants me to) but, as usual will ask: “So…which shoes are you going to wear them with?”

She’ll sigh. She knows where this is going.

She’ll leave and return to the room with two pairs of shoes in hand. One pair of flats. One pair of heels.

I could wear this” she’ll say, putting the flats on, smiling ear to ear to show me how happy she is that her feet are close to the ground.

I’ll frown.

She’ll frown in return…and then she’ll put on the pair of heels.

I’ll smile.

She, however, will continue frowning and then exaggeratedly lurch over to me, intent on getting me to change my mind.  “Look NH I can’t balance in these! If I wear these I’ll have to pack a pair of flats to change into anyway! My purse is too small to carry another pair of shoes! If we start dancing I won’t be able to dance much because by the time we get there my feet will already be paining me! Do you want me to have to sit the whole time? You’ll have to literally carry me back home!

There’s no point to her charade because I will, as always, simply state:

Wear the heels.”

But trust my NaijaWife. If I win that argument, she’ll wear the heels to make me happy…but I’ll inevitably suffer for it afterwards.

We’ll get home tired from whatever event it was. She’ll be talking my ear off about “Did you see how they made her kneel to feed him the cake? Why did the DJ keep cutting off the music like that? Our DJ was much better! I told her to go with me recommendation!” Then she’ll remove every item she’s wearing, and make a big show of limping over to me on the chair.

Ouch! Ouch!” My leg o!” she’ll wail, as she sits next to me.

Then she’ll raise her feet up on my lap and smile.

I’ll smile back. pretending I don’t understand.

She’ll smile harder, wink, cough a bit and nudge me with her foot.

I’ll pretend I don’t know what she’s on about for a while longer. Then I start massaging.

The punishment for insisting she wear heels won’t stop there. The party may have been on a Saturday, but by Sunday she’ll claim she’s suffering from back ache “caused by the excessive hip rotations brought on by the heels” and she needs a back massage. By Friday she’ll convince me that she has to head to the spa, “to prepare her body for Saturday’s heel wearing.”

And just as the sun rises every day, another invitation to an event will arrive in the household of Naijahusband and Naijawife. She’ll parade around the house again in her outfit of choice. She’ll fight me over the shoes she plans to wear, but eventually, as always, I will say:

Wear the heels.





40 responses to “Heels”

  1. Naijasinglegirl Avatar

    You guys make me jealous all the time

  2. Olamide Avatar

    Hahahaha. This is so funny. Naijahusband, u should deal with the punishments if, u want her to continue with the heels. Naijawife, u too sef. Heels make u look “classy”. Nice post as usual.

    1. laramidae Avatar

      I just love, love, love, love u guys, I can’t say that enough!… U both make marriage look so easy and fun to be in.

  3. emaleecious Avatar

    Hahaha. Just leave her be already!
    I hate wearing heels too. They are just a ridiculous thing to wear IMHO. I wear flats everyday, everywhere…some days, I whip out a pair of heels, but i ALWAYS carry my backup flats with me.

    On my wedding day, I wore my pink heels for the blessing/church ceremony. By the time we danced out I kicked them off and wore my “real wedding shoes”- a flat pair of pink shoes that enabled me dance (even though i don’t know how to) and walk really comfortably.

    No doubt, they make a woman look sexy…but they also make her feet hurt like hell. Woe betide her if she doesn’t even know how to walk properly in them….#smh

    1. NaijaHusband Avatar

      I had a pair of beautiful, bejeweled flats on our wedding day from the very beginning so didn’t change shoes at all. No one saw my shoes under the dress so they were none the wiser! – Naijawife

      1. Good Naija Girl Avatar

        This is totally my plan—smart woman!

  4. imperfectlyperfect92 Avatar

    I support NW. You’ve gotta be punished for winning the argument,
    Heels are necessary evils for a woman but e nor funny abeg.the pain nor be here sometimes..

  5. 1 + The One Avatar

    LOL.. NaijaWife = Drama!!
    I’m with NH on this, wear the heels! 😀 xx

  6. Oluwatosin Avatar

    Blessed heart…

    your “oneness” really encourages me to believe that marriage really works and can be sweet. Thumbs up. may God bless and keep you forever.

    1. NaijaHusband Avatar

      Amen! thank you! – Naijawife

  7. Oluwatosin Avatar

    Plus heels really equals hell. why do you males love to see us suffer so?

  8. Sisi Jacobs (@SisiJacobs) Avatar

    *takes notes furiously*

    I’m so with NW on this. Heels are of the devil, and if you’re making her wear them, then she should get plenty sth in return too

  9. slyB Avatar

    What is it with men and heels. My husband has just decided to be practicing silence on the matter because I’m almost 7 months pregnant but I still ‘Wear the Heels’. Just because I still feel extremely comfortable in them though.

    1. NaijaHusband Avatar

      You’re still wearing them at 7 months? I salute! – Naijawife

      1. Mutale Avatar

        Naijawife:- Heels are the greatest invention of our time. I’m so in love with them and can’t do without them. They make one stand out in a crowd. Make NH happy by wearing them 😉

  10. Tola Avatar

    Hahaaaa!! I feel both you guys jor! Heels are evil but sadly they are a necessary evil (or are they??!). I wear flats everyday except weekends because I just can’t be bothered! But I always love how I ‘feel’ when I wear heels, for oh about an hour or 2 then I want OUT of them!!

  11. Olajumoke dags Avatar

    Looool…hilarious..am not a fan of heels…although i agree they really make a statement in your dressing…more elegant and classy.

  12. drnsmusings Avatar

    Not a fan of heels neither is hubby. Tho with some outfits u can’t just wear flats. I buy very very comfortable heels, platform soles, with thick inner padding. My wedding heels were so comfy, guests marvelled that I danced for so long. NH keep up d foot rubs. Lol

  13. E' Avatar

    I dunno how i will survive without heels
    Hubs z cool
    So am I

    And i am 5ft 11

    Heels everyday. So i support NH
    Heels please

  14. Toin Avatar

    Flats all day everyday! Heels ko. My peeps are always harassing me. I have a friend who says I should start trying with wedge but Naa. Interestingly, she asked me just yesterday where I get my flats from because she desperately needs them. You can never go wrong with flats biko

  15. HoneyDame Avatar

    Hahahhaahhhaha…you 2 should have arealityy show…seriously..loool

  16. The Versatile Nigerian Avatar

    Heels are from the devil. That is all! Lol

  17. God's Own Girl Avatar
    God’s Own Girl

    It’s interesting reading all the comments from ladies that are anti-heels.
    They are comfy-comfy, i can walk any distance in them, run in them, dance in them! And they don’t hurt! It was just recently i started keeping a pair of slipper in the car… just so i save my heels. Matter of fact, i feel very sloppy and scruffy when i wear flats or slippers… well, maybe i love heels because i’m “too tall” *wink*!
    I think the ish is when women overdo it. Of course your feet would hurt when you wear really tight or extra long heels -my cousin calls those ones “height heels” LOL!
    NW, find comfy heels and rock ’em for NH!
    Nice read as always!

  18. smilinggurl Avatar

    Let me start by thanking you guys for putting another post not long after the last one. This is the way it should be. 🙂

    I am with NH on this one; #heelsrock, #heelsaresexy, #heelsareheretostay, #nwwearheelsfornhoh

    Lol! I Lurve My Heels. I walk funny in flats and for years I didn’t own a pair of flat shoes. Although recently I have started wearing more of flats especially to work and honestly I feel like I walk like a duck… pad pad pad.

  19. smilinggurl Avatar

    Oh btw, kitten heels don’t count as heels. They are worse than flats.

  20. Toin Avatar

    I don’t know what is going on here o. I posted a comment and i can’t find it anymore. I didn’t even get an alert for this post in my email #Sigh. God dey

    As for me, Flats all day everyday so i’m firmly behind NW.

  21. bisaro1 Avatar

    i wear flats to work but heels at the weekend, when you are a “tall” size 16 lady you need the boost & elevation!lol! My work entails that i move around a lot so no “shakara” tinz during the week!

  22. Berry Dakara Avatar

    Lol, just like NW, I sometimes will model different outfits for Cakes to help me decide what to wear. It’s always fun when he chooses what I secretly wanted to wear all along, but then if he insists on a different option… whole ‘nother story.

  23. TLG Avatar

    Not fair naijahusband o cos you don’t know how much it hurts. I’m a flats person, anyday, anytime

  24. Good Naija Girl Avatar

    I love NW’s strategy, but but funnier still is even though he knows the outcome, NH still goes for the heels every time! 😀

  25. […] read a couple of bad heels posts [here and here] that inspired this post. Do check them […]

  26. […] read a couple of bad heels posts [here and here] that inspired this post. Do check them […]

  27. tessadoghor Avatar

    Cool camaraderie
    If you suddenly stopped telling her to wear the heels
    She’s be upset
    It is those husband and wife things.

    Pingback: http://www.makingthemostofme.blogspot.com

  28. tessadoghor Avatar

    Why did she want to kill herself?

    Seriously, maybe she sprained her ankle
    because that is unexplainable.

  29. Cherrywine Avatar

    I’m just reading this…LASTMA like me!!! Death to heels jor. As the wise sage: Whitney Cummings once said, they were designed by men to make women easier to catch!

  30. Quirky Young Mom Avatar

    You sound just like my husband on this heels matter and I always sound like NW…hahaha!

  31. mariettahermosa Avatar

    wear the heels , with a smile and all awww

  32. […] grown up now, and properly married…but my wife doesn’t wear skirts or aprons…or heels for that matter.  I’ve never had a cognac either.  So much for that […]

  33. tmc Avatar

    lol, naijawife, you can wear wedge, or platforms, also make sure your shoes are light.. you can also wear shoes with chunky heels.
    I’m all for comfort, but sometimes, heels adds a bit of drama to one’s walk 😉

  34. badirat Avatar

    Heels ko, mountain ni…best I can do is platform or wedge. I walk a lot more gracefully and feel classier with my flats. Biko I can’t Coman go and kill myself away!

    PS: Kai, hope the girl in the video didn’t go lock herself up somewhere forever.

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