Normally I don’t believe in making resolutions. Mostly because I never stick to them. But this year I’ve decided to make the kind that I can actually keep. Here goes….
1. I resolve not to compare NaijaWife to Voltron anymore…I’ll just find some other cartoon character for comparison.
2. I promise not to eat NaijaWife’s Jacob’s Crackers any more….but her Rich Tea is still fair game.
3. I resolve to make an effort to do more fixing around the house. I don’t resolve to actually be good at it though.
5. I resolve to never be this man. Ever.
6. I resolve to never make my wife kneel in public….but in private, anything goes.
7. I resolve to find new ways to avoid NaijaWife saying “If you like.”
8. I resolve not to give my wife any reasons to bear a grudge against me…this probably means I will have to stop doing anything and everything that I normally do. Such as breathing….but that should be easy enough.
10. I resolve to continue doing the homework we receive from our counseling. That shouldn’t be too hard as I plan to just copy the answers in her book.
11. I resolve to continue to make her the One. Over and over again.
12. I resolve to continue to respect her as my partner and life companion. I’m not interested in finding another one.
13. I resolve to stop sneaking into her bathroom behind her back. I also resolve to use the toilet less. Which means I will have to eat less…which pushes me closer to the six pack I’ve always wanted…so this is a win-win situation.
14. I resolve to use lotion. This will be hard for me, but she’s threatened to destroy my ipad mini if I don’t.
15. Unlike most people, I resolve to read fewer books in 2014. They’re just bad for my health.
16. I resolve not to flip out the next time she asks me “What are you doing?”…I will simply respond with “I dunno. What are YOU doing?” (She really hates it when I do that.)
17. I resolve not to deliberately antagonize my wife. No matter how much fun it is. .
18. I resolve to try (emphasis on TRY) not to ignore her when I’m watching television. She shouldn’t have to fall ill before I pay attention to her.
19. I resolve to communicate better with my wife, no matter how jammed I am at work.
20. I resolve to write her more letters. She really likes them for some reason.
21. I resolve not to poke fun at her misadventures. There’s always a lesson to be learned from the Close Encounters of the NaijaWife kind.
22. I resolve to buy her better gifts. But as one last hurrah, I wrapped her 2013 gift in newspaper. Just for old time’s sake.
23. I resolve to always be grateful to our readers.