When You’re Married To A Woman With Natural Hair



When you’re married to a woman with natural hair… or a woman who wears her own hair…or a woman with any hair at all to be honest, you have to grow accustomed to certain things.

Let me try to list a few.

1) Watching her Bathroom Turn into a Mad Scientist’s Laboratory 

On any given day, NaijaWife, when not harassing me over my television watching, will disappear for hours. Once I don’t hear her asking me “what are you doing?” I know that means she has locked herself in the bathroom again.

I remember the first day I walked up to her bathroom door, curious to hear what was keeping her so long.  Smoke was coming out of the bottom of the door, and I think I heard some screams.

Moving closer, I could hear voices inside the bathroom (which I later realized were the faint sounds of a youtube video) giving her the following instructions:

  • Add 1/2 cup of  castor oil
  • Add 1 tsp of lavender oil
  • Add 10 drops of peppermint oil

I thought she was making a secret batch of candy until I heard the next few steps

  • Add 10 bat’s eyes
  • Add 1 goat’s head
  • Add the white feathers of a dove

WHAT was she making?! Herbal medicine? A witch’s potion?


I may be exaggerating about the ingredients, but it turned out she was making yet another “team natural” concoction.  Week after week I noticed she’d go through the same process until one day she came running out of the bathroom screaming:

mad scientist laugh




Then she stuck her hair in my face.


I don’t know what curl definition is. But I have learned the hard way to just smile, pat her on the back…and not ask her why her hair is smelling like amino acids.

She’s happy. That’s all that matters.


2) Watching my Wife Contort Herself into Strange Positions

No, not sexually. Hair-ally.

One day NaijaWife was shouting my name from the bedroom. Expecting that she was in trouble I ran quickly only to find her hanging upside down off of the bed.

Me: “Did you slide off?!”

NaijaWife: “NO. I’m doing the inversion method.”

Me: “The what?”

NaijaWife: “It allows the blood to rush to my head, stimulating hair growth. I need you to time me for 3 minutes. Then help me lift my head back up slowly.”

Me: “I have a better idea.”

NaijaWife: “Oh really? What?”

Me: “Do pushups for 3 minutes instead. That will make your hair grow faster.”

NaijaWife: “REALLY?!”  *as she scrambled to get back up*

Me: “No.”


3) Saturday Nights Are Not Date Nights

They are for her hair. Saturdays belong to NaijaWife’s hair.

Me: “Let’s go out today.”

NaijaWife: “Nope. I’m washing my hair.”

Me: “OK but it’s only 12 noon now. Will you be done in an hour?”


Yeah that's not going to happen

Yeah that’s not going to happen

Me: “Um…will you be done in 2 hours?”

NaijaWife: “I’ll be done tomorrow morning.”


4) Rude Comments from Outsiders

I’ve watched my wife deal with strangers and even colleagues asking her stupid questions like

“Won’t you go and put relaxing cream in your hair like the other ladies?”  – A man said this to her.

What makes you think nappy hair like that is professional?” – A woman said this to her. Apparently it’s a common problem.

Why do you carry the same hairstyle more than once a week? Can’t your husband pay for you to go to the salon?” – A few women said this to her.

I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t manage my hair like that sha. It’s just so…wild.” – She probably gets this comment every week given the way she reports it back to me.

So being the husband of a woman who proudly chooses to carry her own hair (most times), I’ve had to learn to be supportive and make a few suggestions for replies to such rudeness. For example…

Won’t you go and grow some balls like the other gentlemen?”

My hair is more professional than your attitude. Which is clearly why you’re still job hunting.”

Why do you repeat the same stupid questions every week? Can’t your husband pay for you to acquire some manners?”

As feisty as she is though, she hasn’t yet used any of those retorts. She just walks away, then comes home to tell me about it.


5) Spur of the Moment Purchases

It’s a good thing she has her own budget for random expenditures…because we would probably fight if her product addiction came out of the household budget.

Me: “You bought something today. I just know it.”

NaijaWife: “Maybe…

Me: “What did you buy?”

NaijaWife: “Conditioner.”

Me: “Didn’t you buy some last week?!”

NaijaWife: “But this one had really high reviews on naturallycurly.com ! They said it would make my hair shine. All I need to do is sit with it in my hair for 6 hours and it will permanently change my life!”

Me: “Did they also warn you it would permanently change your pockets?”


Her weaves aren’t exempt either. When she changes it up and wears weaves or braids (I know the difference now) I have to adjust accordingly and simply do the following:

6) Ignore When Your Wife Pats Herself on the Head Furiously

The first time she did that, I thought she was berating herself over something.

Me: “Darling…why are you hitting yourself?”

NaijaWife: “Oh no. I’m just scratching it.”

Me: “Why don’t you just scratch with your fingers?”

“NaijaWife: “Well I can’t reach my scalp through this weave….plus it doesn’t look nice to be scratching it.”

Me: “Do you think it looks better to box your brains out?!”

Iz itching me...but I cant scrash cuz iz not ladylike

This does not look nice Ladies. Please.


7) Don’t Question the Exorbitant Amounts

Not that NaijaWife does this exactly. But she likes to suggest it every now and then.

NaijaWife: “Babe…I’m thinking of investing.”

Me: “That’s great! What do you want to invest in?”

NaijaWife: “Peruvian hair

Me: “Eh? A Peruvian hair company?”

NaijaWife: “No.. a bundle of Peruvian hair. Or maybe two bundles… They say you can use it over and over again.”

Me: “Does a Peruvian come attached to the hair?” tumblr_lvycokTKTb1qfz8dwo1_500

NaijaWife: “No…..”

Me: “Yet you consider it an investment?”

NaijaWife: *Thinks for a while*…. “Yes.”

Me:  “Then by all means. Carry on.”


8) Get Used To The Secret Group Meetings

Me: “What you up to today?”

NaijaWife: “I have a meeting.”

Me: “On Saturday?

NaijaWife: “Yes…with some girls.”

Me: “What kind of meeting?”

NaijaWife: “Em. Hair meeting…

Me: “You mean the hair salon?”

NaijaWife: “No…natural hair women’s meeting.”

Me: “I see…when will they hold one for the husbands of women with natural hair?”


"Next on the agenda, deep conditioners vs moisturizing creams"

“Next on the agenda, deep conditioners vs moisturizing creams for combating low porosity”

Shoutout to Naijawife for helping me with the terminology on this post, and as always, for being the gracious recipient of my teasing.  As a man I’m not the most knowledgeable person about the struggles women have with their hair, but I am learning.  One thing I do know darling, is that your hair is almost as beautiful as you are.

Just don’t shave it off.

P.S. – I know you’ll have a rejoinder shortly.


Welcome to the musings of the “not so typical” Naijahusband and his lovely Naijawife. Follow us on Twitter: NaijaHusband and NaijaWife


  1. L̃̾ÕL̃̾!!!! The inversion method! My husband still mocks me on that one. Naijawife,please a tutorial on how you defined your naija curls abeg! And naija husband, thank you for understanding…..lol

  2. Yipee, another article from naijahusband. naija wife please give me the secrets to growing natural hair, thinking of joining #teamnatural, currently on artificial dreads now.

  3. I totally love this post… I’m #teamnatural too, so I can totally relate to naija wife’s experiences and experiments.
    Two days ago I used honey and egg on my hair and my mum just couldn’t understand why…
    Btw, naijahusband, you dey try!

  4. Loooolll….yes o her hair is as beautiful as she is, and that last part about not shaving it is hilarious, as i get the same request. Love the way you banter, it makes for a healthy relationship…<3

  5. Lmao! Naija wife is so funny. I love my natural hair too and mentaining it can be so demanding. So I get where she is coming from. Good post as usual 🙂


  6. Hahahaha

    Carry go NW

    With my natural hair, I feel you on some counts…

    Well done NH. You are the real HERO

  7. I laughed really hard…..It takes a very understanding husband to relate with his wife on hair matters especially when she is fussy about it.

    “Your hair is almost as beautiful as you are”…Lovely lines.

    Naija wife, keep rocking your natural hair and don’t mind d beefers…..hehehehe

  8. Naija husband, you’re trying o. I know first hand that natural hair is no small deal. I read somewhere to put my hair in big cornrows overnight, take it out the next morning, finger comb the hair and I’ll end up with a beautiful afro. It absolutely didn’t turn out that way. I had the biggest mess on my head and I happened to have taken the cornrows out in my mom’s car, she was taking me to the park. So I couldn’t do anything to the hair and I had left all scarves and bands at home. I had to buy a comb right at the bus park and comb my hair out well. It was hell combing my dry hair, I sha managed to make it look a bit presentable. This happened just this morning. I’m almost at my destination and can’t wait to sort out the hair. It helps to have someone who understands the desire to carry natural hair and it’s great you’re supporting NaijaWife in this. NaijaWife, #TeamNatural forever!

    • Never leave ur hair dry! Check out Natural Hair Babes on Facebook. Good luck!

  9. Lmaoo I totally feel you NW. I can’t even manage a bantu knot out. My Eco styler doesn’t seem to work despite several people swearing by it on youtube. sigh. So how did you get the curl definition please?

  10. I just read this during my break, and I’m struggling not to LOLl
    I’ve experienced something that’s a wee bit similar. She was my flatmate and we shared the same bathroom. Everytime I went to the bathroom, hair was all over the floor and bathtub. I always wore slippers and usually just let the shower to drain the hair in the bathtub. And one day, the bathtub actually got blocked with her hair. At that point, I had to chastise her. I made her unblock the bathtub and vacuum every shred of hair from that bathroom. 🙂

    • Zuma that was mean -__- I can relate to Naijawife.. still haven’t been able to define my curls. Please do share your recipe/product 🙂

      • Mean?

        See, for days, she had left hair all over the bathroom floor without cleaning up. I tolerated all that. Why didn’t she at least try cleaning the bathroom every other day?

        Abeg abeg. Everyone has a limit. I reached mine and got her to do the right thing.

  11. Lool…..NW I feel your pain o…not easy! But gets interesting when you see good results; and NH your understanding is quite commendable! You guys are great!

  12. Lwkm o! Chai! I feel y’all though. I’ve got a teeny weeny ‘fro and I’m on my way to being as guilty as NW right there. Hero-hubby. Lol.

  13. hahahahahahahaha. chai! Naija husband weldone o. I love my natural hair so much that i hate exposing it. lol

  14. NH I’m sure you enjoy running your fingers through it though… Uhm, that’s if she let’s you.

    Ps, there’s just as much drama if not more in the relaxed hair game. #TeamRelaxer

    • Spot On…#TeamRelaxer!!! Same stress….infact, i thought of going natural,i thought against it when i weighed d pros nd cons …. *whewww**

  15. LOL!!!! Team Natural for the win!! I love Tall n Curly too:) Anyway, props to you for grinning and bearing it – na wa for some of those questions but I feel her pain.

  16. Hair smelling like amino acids?? NH you know that’s not true, lol! You are not a typical NH, I tell ya. Thanks for that! 🙂

  17. Oh dear gawd!!! I fainted with laughter!! Holy moly!! The inversion one is classic…I do the same with le’gorgeous but didn’t give the truth about the growth bit!!! You try.
    Hilarious post!!!!!

  18. Loooooool! You guys are hilarious. Amino acids ke? NH! Would love to go natural too, but the drama associated with natural hair seems a bit too much for me. Maybe i’ll come to NW for tutorials if I ever decide. Love you both! :*

  19. Oh my goodness, i surely have missed you guys here. Great post, couldn’t stop laughing. Some of those comments though, on top of natural hair? Haba! And NH’s suggested responses were just as mean. LOL. Thanks to you guys for sharing your lives with us. We love you.

  20. Hahahahahahaha…. #TeamNatural

    Well done Naijahusband! My husband has just declared you his new best friend! This was hilarious and highly relatable. Regards to the Sister, NaijaWife 😉

    GOD bless you.

  21. Laughing all by myself, got to share this with the rest of the world right now. Well done naija husband and naija wife too, every time I read your blog, I always get some very useful yips.

  22. Lolol. Too funny.

    Naija Husband, I kept waiting for you to mention the ruler shirt. It means that NaijaWife hasn’t brought it up yet. The rule shirt is used for length check.

  23. OMG this might be my best post from you guys yet, because i totally identify with naija wife in this and my significant other can probably identify with all of naija husband’s comments. But don’t worry…the longer you are natural, the more stream lined the process gets and the more you want things simplified, affordable and accessible. Awesome post.

  24. Loved this post. Typed a comment that got lost yesterday 🙁 so I’m back to just show that I was here. This hair drama sha and the comments people make on top of natural hair? Na wa!!!
    Thanks for making marriage beautiful and celebrating all the little things we seem to forget. Love you guys.

  25. BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m sure Cakes is glad I’m nowhere near as DIY as NW. I have 2 wash days a month (highest 3), and that’s it.

    NH, more grapeseed oil to your elbows (we all know grease is bad for you #teamnatural)

  26. im reading this at work & im sure people think i’m crazy. Absolutely hilarious. Naija wife….i feel your pain. Naija husband……..you’re quite the darling. Hilarious.

  27. Yes! Yes! Yes!
    You’re a great husband for understanding.
    and your wife is a great wife for being real with you.

    Thank you for sharing this post. I can definitely relate being a long-time natural myself… you can add to the interesting comments that people make

    -Your beauty will really come out if you relax your hair
    – You have to relax your hair for your wedding

  28. oh my ! this is the funniest thing i’ve read today.i couldn’t stop laughing. and the crazy part is,i’m guilty of some of them! youtube will make you mix baking soda and yoghurt and 3 teaspoons of everything in your kitchen truly.whew! the natural hair business 🙂

  29. Me: “Do you think it looks better to box your brains out?!”

    That line absolutely killed me. LOL! Kai. It’s my first time here, and I’m loving it.

  30. This is my first time here -found you via Facebook on Natural Hair Babes. You are so hilarious! You deserve a medal for your understanding and love. NaijaWife, have you tried going ALL NATURAL? I am presently driving my hubby nuts with my NATURAL products – deodorant, body butter, toothpaste, mosquito repellant, air freshener, liquid soap etc. You should try it [NaijaHusband abeg no assign assassins after me o!]

      • #teamnatural..Lol naija husband u trying bigtime,I remb using kernel pomade as part of a deepconditioning process onetime!my bf could stand it Lmaooooooo

  31. Bat’s eyes….. goat’s head! LOL! As a member of #teamnatural I know the feeling!

  32. Aaaahahahaaha hehehehe.Naija wife ooo! Epic woman, love her! As a fellow natural i can Over relate! And trust me Naija husband, this is true for 98% of all natural women. Just keep nodding and supporting, u may never fully understand but we women understand. Can naija wife do a regimen post pleaseee, hair type,products, hair journey, length checks, the works! Oh and a picture of her hair only, without her face showing of course

  33. P.s Naija wife, i recommend this video, its on point: “NATURAL HAIR: YO BOYFRIEND DONT LIKE IT??” by sjsafety18 on YouTube.

  34. I love this post and everything is true, but its more fun watching our men get into this journey with us and learn and support us each step of the way!!!!

  35. hahha i don’t think i have enjoyed a post like this is a long time. u got me on *amino acids* lol. dont have natural hair but am one who relaxes 1ce a year and manage my actual hair on my own. so i can imagine all the bathroom 2 hours sections only i do my mostly when my husband is not home or deep in sleep. midnight. bless u for understanding though. must be fun gaining insghts to the plights of women.

  36. I love this article. Had me bursting with laughter. Beautiful! !!

  37. I love love love this post! As a natural, I can totally relate to NW. I’m looking forward to a darling hubs who can give scalp massages and detangle my hair in sections. NH, tell me you aren’t just an understanding husband but you also help detangle her hair and possibly twist it at night!

  38. I don’t know why black men think its so hilarious to make fun of black women and their hair, even if it is their wife or significant other. It’s sad, they don’t even realize that they have been brainwashed to look down on their own people.

    • Lisandra lighten up. It’s not about hating its about laughing at the little foibles of your mate because you know you love them and accept them for everything that they are but it doesn’t mean you can’t see the humor in something! Get over yourself!

  39. Lol, this is soo true. Thankfully, our men have learned to handle and appreciate our ever-changing hair and “experiments” from a young age: weave, relaxer, owu hairstyles, low cuts, and braids. Oh, and the Obama meme is everything. Love the post!

  40. thank you for showing up all of us natural sisters! yes Saturday evenings are meant for deep conditioning! atleast naijawife is not using up things in the kitchen – sometimes my hair eats better than us – eggs, mayonnaise, avocado, honey – all great for deep conditioning!
    God punish all those idiots asking stupid questions! that is all

  41. I laughed my heart out!!! waaaah!! this is the most hilarious article i’ve read! waaarrt!

  42. ahahah. This is so true. My hubby was nodding alon and laughing Cuz this is US. I think he has given up on me. Lol.

  43. This had me LMAO on my train ride. Thanks NaijaHusband for supporting your woman. #itnoeasy

  44. As a woman with natural hair I cant help but laugh sheepishly at this because I’m sooo guilty lollll. Let’s not forget the greasy pillows, containers filled with weird stuff, weird smells following you, special terminologies, etc. Love it!

  45. Chris Rock is getting ready for “Good Hair” Part 2. Put your seat belts on! He WILL tell it like it is and put everybody in check! Ladies, make sure you take your man with you to see it! They will get it!

  46. I couldn’t stop laughing. Don’t forget that most women have supported their men transition to the “Ojukwu/Pete Edochie bear bear”, latest style for the dudes. We learnt to kiss the lips without letting the hair interfere, enjoy how excited about his latest passion, you help him comb on a day you are running seriously late, while he drives, or let him comb with one hand, while holding the wheels with the other, as you also struggle to wear your make-up and put your natural hair in place, so you both don’t arrive at the event looking like “Tarzan and Wife”. God help you if all your children including the boys are mom’s Team Natural members, and everyone is having a hair/beard drama day. Nsogbo!! I love my natural hair still, I like his beards even more!

  47. My son saw this…somewhere out in cyberspace…and was laughing SO hard trying to tell me about it! I’m #TeamNatural, so he thought I would enjoy it…and he was right! This was absolutely hilarious! I loved it!

  48. I was literally crying at #1!!! LMBO…my three year old thought something was wrong with me! I remember trying to show my hubbie my curl pattern/definition…lol:-D. Great post!

  49. I have been meaning to read this post thoroughly ever since I saw it on a friends FB page. I am glad I have finally done it. You have just made my day, cannot stop laughing. A big shout out to the naija wife and to all my sisters with natural hair.

  50. Lmao!! I pity my future husband cause he is going to go through the exact same thing with me and my natural hair. Nice from a husband’s perspective. And beyonce patting the weave and the natural hair meeting “coven” oh hahahaha you really killed me!

  51. Sigh……I understand this all too well. My wife is also a “natural sister” and once spent the whole night washing and conditioning her hair – in two bathrooms! The tap in the second bathroom had a slight issue and she came to wake me up at 3 am to come sort it out!! She has a weave on at the moment and has been doing the Beyonce tap, still fresh in my memory….as recent as last night. I help her with a head massage to calm the itchiness…i recommend it to all husbands. I love my wife any which ways – natural, weave..even with the strands of hair every where…i sometimes just pick up a broom and sweep when I cannot stand it anymore – all in love 🙂

  52. the pictures just killed it…hahahahaha, hohohohoho. I know someone with a 17inch full and healthy hair (relaxed hair though). facebook.com/myafrhair you need to see this hair when it is due for a retouch. it would make any one think this babe is an ‘ayamantanga’ when she decides to take hair care laws into her hands. kudos to all those who can carry their hair, natural or relaxed and be comfortably proud of it. it’s always interesting to behold.

  53. Can’t stop laughing! You are indeed very patient NH. Shows how much you love and understand NW. As for NW, well done with the natural hair thingy, wish i could do the same but my hair won’t permit me too as it is naturally quite stubborn. Cheers!

  54. Chei! That’s how you people moved from your old address and didn’t send your biggest fan a memo. After searching high and low for you guys, I just tried this new address as a last resort and voila! Daris God o.

    Good read as always. Funny too. Natural hair craze will not kill us women. Amen. lol

  55. Now imagine that you’re the MOTHER of a teenage #teamnatural member…. Its no less hilarious! Even more so considering that I’m natural too -under my weave 🙂 Detangling, conditioning drama every week………aint nobody got time fo dat

  56. had a great laugh reading this.. nice one… dnt know how you do it, my sister is natural and i get so mad seeing hair and mixtures in the bathroom. now natural but i can’t deal with the hair rituals i just cover it up.

  57. Its past midnight and Im in bed shaking with laughter, hoping I don’t wake my sis up. Tough rask. Gawd,this was over the top. Figure Ill read everything on the blog before I sleep. Keep writing,keep slaying us with humour.

  58. Hello. I am a new here n I couldn’t stop laughing. I myself am natural so I understand what u are going through. A very interesting read. On point. Kudos to you.

  59. This post is hilarious and oh so true!!!!!.. i can totally relate with NH cos i’m natural. it gets better with time as the hair grows longer tho. lol!!.. .

  60. lmao.. I just started my hair journey and my mom and sis be like,’why have you chosen to suffer instead of taking the easy way to life(a perm). I’m like,’yeah,that’s not gonna happen’.. Kudos to my future husband 😀

  61. I feel natural hair thingy is just about people trynna feel they belong to something, searching frantically for a kinda sisterhood or best put, searching for an identity. Some say they want to understand their hair, get to know their hair and be one with their hair. That’s all just crap. Life is already stressful, why add unnecessary stress? We have to diet, exercise, skin care routines, job, mehn, i cannot come and die,, can’t imagine wasting productive time or time i would have used to rest after a week of working on caring for stubborn hair, looking a mess even after investing so much time on the hair,, hair that would still go under chemical treatments someday.. smh..

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