He Said – She Said

There’s two sides to every story. Especially in marriage.


10 PM

I get home from work. NaijaWife is still not home. I’ve had dinner at work, but feel like munching something anyway so I head to the fridge. I find some rice and stew and finish it off. I turn on the TV for a bit. The action show that I like (the one Naijawife hates) is on. I fall asleep.

12 Midnight

I awaken briefly. It looks like I’m in bed but I do not know how I made it in there. Naijawife is beside me quietly sleeping. There is a sharp pain in my side. I do not know why. I roll over and go back to sleep.

7 AM Saturday morning

I wake up and kiss my sleeping wife on the cheek. The room is ice cold. My hand hurts for some odd reason. I head to the gym.

9 AM

I get back and check on Naijawife. She is still sleeping. This woman likes sleep sha.


10 PM

I call Naijahusband to let him know I’ll be late getting home. I’m rushing as fast as I can to get home and quell the rumbling, gnawing hunger in my stomach. I haven’t had any dinner or lunch…or breakfast for that matter, but I’m looking forward to the leftover rice in the fridge.  I text him to ask if he’s eaten already. He replies “Yup“.  NH doesn’t normally like rice so I know the food will be all mine to enjoy.

10:30 PM

I finally get home from work, drop all my load at the door and rush to the fridge. I open the fridge door and my stomach makes another joyful noise for the food it is about to receive. I pull out the rice bowl and find….it’s empty.  I pull out the stew bowl. Same thing.

I hear a loud snoring noise coming from the sitting room. I find Naijahusband sprawled out on the sofa with the TV blaring. He is fast asleep. The plate of stolen rice is right in front of him.

How he really fell asleep

How he really fell asleep

I console myself with Jacob’s crackers.

My stomach growls in angry protest.

I grab the plates from the stool in front of him and head over to the sink. The sink is full of the dishes he’d promised to help me with. I spend the next 20 minutes washing up. There’s also food spilled on the counter where he’d helped himself. I wipe it down and decide to clean the cooker while I’m at it.


11:00 PM

Naijahusband is still sleeping on the sofa. I know he’ll wake up sore if he stays there much longer. I nudge him to wake him up. He does not respond. I try to tease him up, but he’s deep in REM at this point. Finally, I realize I need to turn the television off. I switch it off and try nudging him again. He’s still sleepy but stands up. I slide his remaining clothes off, annoyed that he has not had a bath. I pull him to the bedroom. He falls into bed.

I go back to the sitting room and clean up some more.

12 Midnight

I finally land in bed. After a long shower of course. I’m tired and hungry and peeved. Yet Naijahusband sleeps on, blissfully unaware. He has wrapped himself completely in the cover cloth. I try to wrestle it back from him, using my favorite “elbow in the ribs” tactics.  He starts to rustle so I quickly shut my eyes pretending to be asleep. He rolls over and goes back to sleep, grabbing the cover cloth with him.

I try once more to wrestle the cloth back from him, this time I’m successful.

1 AM  Saturday Morning

Naijahusband starts to talk in his sleep. “Naijawife?” He says.

I respond thinking he’s really speaking to me. “Yes dear?

Aren’t you hot“? he asks.

I get up and turn on the fan. I slide back into bed.

He speaks again


*Sigh* “Yes dear?” I respond.

I think you’re really hot. You’re so beautiful.

I get up again and turn off the fan. Slide back into bed.

3 AM

Naijahusband is having a nightmare. He starts to flail about. I’m guessing he’s been watching one of those action flicks he likes. This is why I hate when he watches them. One hand comes dangerously close to my face. I smack it away. Probably a bit too hard.  At this point he has snatched all the covers again and is occupying most of the bed space. I try holding him but soon give up and huddle in my corner of the bed, hoping his nightmare passes soon.

I just can't win with Naijahusband.

I just can’t win with Naijahusband.

4 AM

Naijahusband nudges me.

“WHAT?! ” I ask. Won’t this man let me sleep?!

Turn on the AC abeg.” He mumbles.

I stand up and turn on the AC. He still has all the covers. I shiver in my corner of the bed. Sleep refuses to come.

5 AM

Naijahusband’s phone alarm starts ringing loudly…his phone is in the sitting room. He doesn’t move an inch.


I get up and walk to the sitting room to turn it off. Isn’t it enough that he ate all the food and has been disturbing me in bed all night? Now he sets an alarm and leaves it in another room as well? For 5 am?! I throw the phone against the wall.

Feeling guilty, I walk back to the phone and pick it up. The alarm flashes across the screen of the phone. He’d saved a note with the alarm. It says “Get up and make breakfast for the wife by 7.”

I place the phone on the table by his side of the bed.

7 AM 

I can hardly sleep. Eager to see the breakfast he has prepared for me, my stomach starts growling again, remembering its lack of dinner last night. He finally wakes up and I pretend to be asleep. He kisses me on the cheek and walks out of the room. I listen for the sound of him moving around the kitchen. I hear nothing. I wait a few minutes. I still hear nothing.

8:30 AM

Still nothing from the kitchen. What happened to my breakfast? Naijahusband is nowhere to be found. I call his phone.

He picks up. “Hey babe. I’m at the gym.

I hang up.

He texts me “What is vexing you so early in the morning that you’d hang up?”

I ignore the text.

He texts me again. “Have you made breakfast yet? I’m starving…

I turn my phone off and finally…fall sleep.



Welcome to the musings of the “not so typical” Naijahusband and his lovely Naijawife. Follow us on Twitter: NaijaHusband and NaijaWife


  1. Ha Ha Ha….I’m not taking sides o! You two are an absolutely hilarious couple and this was more more instructive than you know. There’s always two sides to a story. LOL. Much love.

  2. oh love, oh love….you guys are the best mehn. It really is difficult to take sides on this one.

  3. Lmaooo!!!! I’m on naija wife’s side! ……btw u need plenty of cereal in ur house for days like dat…lool

  4. Of course naija wife!! With all the stress she had to go through. ‘ have you made breakfast yet..I’m starving’

  5. hmn…I am being objective and I’ll take wifey’s side here.
    NH, when you noticed she hadn’t come home, you should have made her dinner or even left the rice for her and snacked on something else.
    Secondly, seeing as you ate up all d food available, you should have indeed made breakfast for her. Not fair that she gets home late from work and after you for that matter and still have to “hunt” for food when she would have made you some had she come home first.
    She even tried sef, she still had the energy to arrange everywhere b4 going to bed. You married a gem!

  6. Lol NW wins out, cuz this has happened on occasion, so I know the feeling lmbo! Abeg NW sleep on.

  7. The person on whose side I am, knows, so no need to publicly choose.

    Dear Naija-Person, I 10000000% agree with you. Don’t mind them!

    Speaking of dishes… I’m in the same boat now :p

  8. I am on naijawife’s side oh…but again…these things really just happen….wdout anyone meanin any harm…. Bhet NH,u no try.

  9. Naija Husband no try at all. But what do i know? I’m not married yet and might end up doing worse things, all i can pray for is a woman as diligent as Naija Wife to spare my blushes and share the cover cloth. I’m with Naija Wife on this.

  10. Am on NW’s side.
    Really hilarious and these things do happen.

    You both just made my birthday special, I was really praying you’ld post something today and Yay! You did!

    • I’m happy for this real,hilarious and true post on yur bday boo……NH, I wud be an hypocrite if I said you no try…I can relate…(Buh NH..you no try oo).. my le boo can give you tales of my own gross related offences in our relationship…it is well…..btw Happy brthday boo my NaijaBoo…I love you

    • My sentiments exactly. While we are here commenting, they’re probably busy kissing and making up (given their track record) lol!

  11. Funny but very real! I still can’t get over how men think… like what!!!! The worst part is when you even “attempt” to explain the issues to him, it makes absolutely no sense (trust me i’ve been there)

  12. Ok stop!!!!! Hahahhahahahahahaha this is sooo funny & interesting! NH U̶̲̥̅̊ too dey forget! Kai! NW am wit U̶̲̥̅̊ all the way!

  13. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus! After all of that, the fact that naijahusband is still alive and well enough to even tell his side of the story is proof that naijawife is a good and virtuous woman lmbo.

  14. Naija wife I de ur back oh, d things our hubby’s do. My new year resolution is to forgive without appology oh coz u will be so upset u can’t sleep n DH will be snooring beside u like nothing happened. NW ur a star all d way oh.

  15. Well my boo encouraged me to always give pple benefit of doubt…so NH I believe u want to whisk her to a special breakfast package-waffles n pancakes at Cactus maybe???

  16. Well, let’s be happy he didn’t eat your Jacob’s cracker, then we would be saying another thing.
    As for sides, I am on the side of the one who prepares the best meal for me when I visit.
    But NH, kai no comments…

  17. I could side with NH just because he really really had no clue…a common trait for guys! Lolol!! but NW wins because even in her hungry and tired state…she looked out for NH; she was concerned for his cramped neck, tried to hold him through his nightmare (ok, maybe that was for herself, lol) and felt guilty about throwing his phone! She wins cos she set an example! It could have been him not getting any sleep as a result of her nagging him 🙂

    Plus females need to rally…NW I’m on your side joor 🙂

  18. Looooool, clearly we are all going to be on naija wife’s side after reading this. But I won’t condemn NH tho, I understand how it is for we guys. Its something I would do too.lol

  19. NW’S side o. But u would have reminded him of the breakfast. He forgot na cos u read the alarm.

  20. Yep. Three sides to every story. In this case – yours, NH; Naija Wife’s and the truth :). Hmm….wetin I go talk. I understand your frustrations NW. Not saying anything sha about sides!

  21. @NH…haba habatically! LOL. I totally understand NW’s pain. However, you both should kiss and make up. 🙂

  22. I am on Naija wifes side jare. NH why didn’t you make the breakfast for the woman that loves you so much? but then NW ma bi nu you hear….

  23. Your side o jare my sister. Oya make we see who go win this one. You too try sef. Not sure I’d have had that much self control not to bitch at him.

  24. I’m on Naija Wife’s side, you should have considered her before eating all the rice, you didn’t keep your promise to do the dishes AND you stole all the covers. Tut tut

  25. +1,000,000 votes for NaijaWife. Lol. But on a serious note, such love between you two is so admirable because it’s little issues such as these that make some couples get bitter towards each other. Keep loving up! :*

  26. Hilarious as usual but very true. It is quite important to view things from the other person perspective, that way you don’t reach untrue conclusions. Thanks Naijacouple.

  27. NH and NW are not …. *cannot* be … a real couple. IMHO, This blog is too real to be true … *cough cough*
    Kudos to the team for their ingenuity 🙂

  28. Naijawife, I know exactly how you feel. Dunno about sides though. I’m sure he’ll make it up to you (won’t you, Naijahusband?)

  29. ROTFL! This perfectly illustrates how every story has at least 2 sides! I’m on NaijaPerson’s side oh just like Berry Dakara.

  30. NW is the best woman on the planet, because I honestly can’t deal with such. However, I’m on NHs side. The poor guy is completely oblivious, to the point that it has become adorable.

    PS. You guys should consider getting separate duvets, maybe?

  31. Waoh I’m really learning from you two…. My hubby says I take things too serious *sigh* I’m learning to forgive without apology…….the annoying part is he doesn’t even know he has wronged me and I am here boiling like hot water…..I love the way NW handled the situation,i pray for such patience

  32. 1, get an extra blanlet
    2. keep extra mini food/stew here and there in the freezer…

    i’m learning,,,

  33. you are all forgetting something here. Naijahusband STILL doesn’t know what he has done wrong, or what she has done right.
    He was asleep whilst she was doing all the house work and he probably doesn’t realise just how hungry she was/ is.

  34. As much ask am laughing here as I side NW of course, I also wanna say that indeed, men and women are different and if we son handle the differences, actually manage, it has the potential to causemajor wahala.
    Sometimes I am here thinking I deserve an apology for something hubby has done and here he is going on and on with his life like he has done nothing. There was a day I almost jabbed him in the ribs as he slept NW style. I just respected myself.
    Like I read on http://WWW.justusgirlsnaija.WordPress.com where pastor mildred wrote to eziaha on her wedding, ‘ men don’t read minds, they read newspapers…’so I am learning to state my grouse in black and white because frankly, it saves me plenty wahala. I am too young a beg and hoping he will get the message on his own hasn’t been working out fine.
    Men are indeed from mars…
    Great great post dears…
    Mrs. D

  35. Wow! Amazed that she did not just push you off the bed. I envy her patience and the kind of love she has for you. I have often times yelled my husband’s ear off!

  36. NaijaIyawo…no vex jere…we can be like that ooo…but emmm…he wanted the breakfast to be a surprise na…if he changed his mind…it’s still his surprise to hold back na…BUT MAKE SURE HE’S MAKING BREAKFAST FOR A WEEK!!!!

  37. Very funny. I’m on NaijaWife’s side,since I joined her in anticipating for a breakfast that never showed up.

  38. Just came across your blog…Love it. oh, and if it still matters i’m on NW’s side

  39. I’m on NH’s side… as a man he has the right to eat whatever is in his house

  40. NH, is there something wrong with you getting up to adjust the room temperature at night? Haba.

    Whose side? NW most def! Not bcos am one but bcos she took in a whole crap from you.

    Meanwhile, that surprise breakfast would have made a huge difference o. Trust me!

    Lol…nice piece.

  41. Have a lovely time away, and hurry back to the blog, please. My favourtie posts are Things Naija Wife Says – If you like, the Chop My Money Series (especially part 1) and He Said, She Said. You guys are pure gold.

  42. OMG, very funny but i will take sides with naijawife. with all her stress all through the and then a promise to eat breakfast made by naijahusband, probably ( thinking of breakfast in bed) lol and the disappointment dat follows it. so not sexy at all. naijahusband must be punished for this capital offence against naijawife. lolz

  43. #NH you no try at all! all this *iskanchi* and you still de blog? If na some people, I no go mention their name and you dey ask them to put on AC, #ibe-ni-wa’a-d’agba-si.
    Love you both, mwah!

  44. Fantastic read, per usual!
    Beht, NH, hian. You didn’t help your own case. You left out too many details in your own ‘statement’. What happened with the brekky? When she called? Etc?
    You need a better lawyer.
    Until then, NW… *hands her breakfast-shaped trophy* …congrats.

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