A Letter to My Ex

I wrote a piece that was part of a series called “Letters to My Ex”, hosted by The Naked Convos (TNC).  My letter was titled “My New Life with My New Wife” and I’ve posted it below for those of you who haven’t read it yet.

No pictures this time….just words.

 A LETTER TO MY EX: My Awesome New Wife

It’s been a while since the last time I saw you

I thought about you today and I remembered the end. The day I said “We can still be friends” while you sat frozen in the car, wordless for the rest of the journey. You may not remember how I kept driving at a snail’s pace…as though the time it would take to drop you back home would be enough time to resolve the problems we’d been having.  I replayed the words I’d uttered back in my head, shocked that I’d actually enunciated what I’d only ever thought to myself before.  I willed myself to say I didn’t mean it…but once we reached your home, it was clear things were over.

As I made the last turn, you finally broke the silence and asked “What will you remember of us?”

I didn’t answer you then.  I was too busy questioning my decision to let you go and was afraid that if I responded, I’d change my mind.  We’d parked by the gate of your house, and with your hand on the car door, you looked back at me.  Your eyes said “last chance” and your question hung in the air between us.  But I still couldn’t answer.

So I drove away.

I remember anger.  A deep, besetting anger that I harbored against you for those tears you constantly shed and the emotions you lost control of too easily. There was an even deeper anger that I held against myself for causing you to weep in the first place and for always taking you to a dark place no matter how I tried.  I remember fights.  Public fights, private fights.  Fights so intense they extended themselves into my dreams at night and I’d wake up fearful…still angry.

I remember questions. “How do I know you won’t leave me?” “How do I know you won’t just do what the last guy did?” “How do I know if I should believe you or not?”  I had questions as well, wondering why we were even bothering. I questioned whether I was man enough to walk away, until the day I told you…I can’t do this anymore.

I remember guilt. For constantly hurting you and never being able to do what you needed me to. Guilt for staying in the limbo our relationship had become.

I remember the letter you wrote me the next day, the one I left unanswered. I remember you kept sending letters…and emails…and texts. You didn’t understand my silence.

Neither did I.

But today I thought about you.  For the first time in a long time, I thought about you…as I looked at my wife.  She reminds me a lot of you. But with her I’m everything I wasn’t with you.

Like you her emotions spill out like water from a broken dam and threaten to sweep me away in their fury.  But with her I don’t fight it.  I let myself be pulled in and sink deep into her chaos. Unlike with you, I actually want to drown in her.

Like you I wonder where her mind is most of the time.  But if I question my sanity or hers, she just smiles at me and scoffs. “I hear you have a thing for mad girls” she’ll say, alluding to my past with you. I can’t disagree.

Like you she questions me. But not because she doubts me.  She wants to know me inside and out.  She wants to pull me out of myself, looking for the best parts to bring out into the light. You always struggled to get me to open up, but she does it effortlessly, pushing the words I would have once kept locked up, out into the open, where I can’t rein them in…where regrets are no longer possible.

Like you she dances.  Winding, floating, undulating around me every night.  She dances to the songs in her head or in her collection, giving herself the beat and melody, inventing new steps along the way.  Unlike you she pulls me in, never content to just let me watch from afar.  Now, I don’t struggle to match her steps.  We fall into the rhythm her mind makes, and I can hear it just by placing my ear near her temple.

Like you she dreams.  But she…she actually speaks of her dreams. Sings them to me in my ears and asks me what the meanings were.  She relives them in front of me, capturing every last detail in her dramatic flair.  Then when her recap is over, she pursues them, trying to give them life.  She doesn’t dream that I’ll leave her, the way you always did.

Like you, she shouts in joy and pouts in anger.  Her yells threaten to bring the walls down when she rejoices, and the heavens threaten to commiserate and pour down their anger when she frowns.  But unlike with you, I can’t match her volume.  So I just hold her tight.  She’ll squeeze back, asking me to hold her “tighter.”  I never can though.  Because, I don’t want to hurt her.

You may be wondering if I wrote just to brag about her to you. But I don’t need to.  You already know my wife is amazing.

You know, because she’s you.

It’s been a while since you saw me last. The past me.  The me who needed time to stand by the looking glass and wait to face the dark images of our problems.  The me who needed space to breathe to realize I couldn’t breathe without you.  The me who needed more time to grow up in order to grow with you.  It took you time as well, to let go of the past, to forgive me and, despite the question you asked that day, to not remember us. You needed time to send us into the past so we could come back to the future, to a new beginning.  We both needed time to reach out again cautiously, though doubt threatened to overwhelm us both, and grasp for one another.

I’m not writing to check up on you.  I know exactly how you’re doing.  You know exactly how I am.

It’s been a while since that day.  But now you’re only a room away.  Even as I type this you call out to me asking “What are you doing?” in the sing-song voice I no longer run from.  Now I search for it, listening to it, drinking in the sound of my name from your mouth.

I remembered the end today, but as I close this letter, I face my new beginning…you.







92 responses to “A Letter to My Ex”

  1. God's Finest Creation Avatar

    Wow that’s all I can manage

    1. Anonymous Aboki Avatar
      Anonymous Aboki

      Really? I think you can squeeze in “Oh my goodness”…

  2. Jennifer.A Avatar

    This is the SWEETEST letter ever. Awwwwwww…..

  3. Dee Avatar

    So lovely!!!

  4. Sayedero Avatar

    Love this piece!!!
    The Fashion Engineer

  5. Keji Avatar

    Love it!

  6. preye Avatar

    Awwwwwwww….so lovely. Can’t wait to meet someone who would truly love me and I’ll love him too. No matter how long, I’ll wait. I believe in love #Iremainhopeful

  7. The Eccentric Imp. Avatar
    The Eccentric Imp.

    Omg! Omg! Omg! I’m just reading this and have this bittersweet feeling in my chest. Recently single \( ˘̶̀˘̯˘̶́ )/ and the letter reminds me of the previous r/ship. Although, I doubt if we will end up together. This is soooo sweet.. *sigh*

  8. Myeyesrdiamonds Avatar

    This just made me cry, it’s absolutely beautiful. This is how love should be. I hope everyone can find a love as true as yours. God bless you both.

  9. Inthe... Avatar

    It definitely stood out amongst the rest…

  10. King Avatar

    this is the sweetest thing ever!!! its amazing!

  11. browneyedgirl Avatar


  12. adun Avatar

    Naija Husband shaaa! U too much.. U neva seize to amaze me! Lovely!

  13. Zimreyb Avatar

    Wow… This is so moving

  14. Cherrywine Avatar

    No need to tell you how amazing this was. I actually ‘awwwed’ like a brain dead Kardashian when I got to the twist. I can’t wait to be married. Do you train husbands? I need to send my future husband your way. lol.

  15. jinxchrys Avatar

    I think my heart stopped at “you know, because she’s you”. Beautiful. I feel like hugging someone

    1. imperfectlyperfect92 Avatar

      Awwwww! Ohhhh,so sweet,don’t know how to put what I feel at seeing this letter into words.
      Real,true love is indeed a beautiful thing.


    2. abby Avatar

      Same here

    3. I Renette Avatar
      I Renette

      Jinxchrys, exactly. Very exactly.

  16. Miss dayday Avatar
    Miss dayday

    Oh damn….ur wife is a blessed woman and so are you sir

  17. fatimah Avatar

    This somehow speaks to my soon-to-be Husband and I. Thank you for this.

  18. Rexie Avatar

    I was going to play devil’s advocate until I got to the end…

    Great writing style. Even greater content.

  19. Olori Avatar

    Very beautiful letter NH. This reminds me of the scripture in John 12:24. I guess sometimes, we all just need to ‘die’ to our current state to truly start living.
    I didn’t see that twist coming. Very well written and so so touching.

  20. worshipandswag Avatar

    If Naija wife is as you said she is you guys are a match made in heaven then, lol! Jokes aside, wow! Growing up on both sides after goodbyes…a powerful message to singles. Very beautiful letter, Naija Husband!

  21. Koko Avatar

    Wow! Love it!

  22. darkchildlovethyhair Avatar

    WOW! I didn’t expect the ending. Absolutely beautiful…

  23. sharriz Avatar

    This is the first time I read a blog and I am in tears…you are gifted. God bless you!

  24. mpb Avatar

    Now everyone is going to run and try to make up with their exes…lol. Lovely letter…in fact, let me go reread it.

  25. ijeoma Nwankwo Avatar

    OMG! I’m speechless this letter just made my nyt .

  26. Tutu Avatar

    Naijahusband e ro ra! You wan make we leave our husbands and look for men like you? I jealous naija wife gan!

  27. Ess Aj Avatar
    Ess Aj

    This is……. I’m rather speechless!
    I don’t understand how people didn’t realise he was talking about NW, I thought it was obvz from the title. On the reals tho, my husband needs to start taking lessons from you, whoever/wherever he is sha! Loved your writing style from before but the context just made it that much better!! Can’t imagine NW’s face when she read this!!!

  28. krees Avatar

    Sounds just likemy funny story wit my recent ex. I hope he uses d space well cos I want & need him to grow up too. He ended it too wit no explanation but pings everyday & it takes God’s grace not to respond.

  29. ujesta Avatar

    Awww, so lovely nd 4 a moment I thought u whr actually referring to ur EX…beautiful, just beautiful

  30. cannime Avatar

    You all can tell I’m hooked to this blog. What a beautiful post. Love you both already!

  31. daughterofherking - Life in Stages Avatar

    Awww… so glad u both worked it out.
    I was already feeling bad for ur ex. lol.
    Well written letter.
    well written. xxx

  32. JauneLion Avatar

    This post is so amazing. Like even if they were two different ladies, would have still been so amazing.

  33. livelytwist Avatar

    Honest, raw, tender… full of hope and promise for the future.

    Naija Husband, I’m used to your other side- using real life stories and humour to distill life (relationship) lessons -this side, I have not previously seen. This side reveals the depth of the well from which we so effortlessly drink, post after post. Well done.

  34. Funmi Avatar

    I love! Reminds me of my ex and I. Dunno if we’ll ever make it back though.

  35. Teena Avatar

    This is soooo touching, wow! I now believe in true love. This is just amazing….

  36. Good Naija Girl Avatar

    This was beautiful! May your marriage last a lifetime…and a hundred years more.

  37. Fola Avatar

    This made me cry. While you described your wife, I pictured a beautiful fairy and I feel a weird sense of loss that I do not know her. You are blessed to have her and she in turn, you.

  38. God's Own Girl Avatar
    God’s Own Girl

    Awwwww… *pulling the last ply of tissue from the box*

  39. bimpiziel Avatar

    well well i seldom do this*eyes rolling* but in all sincerity this is a worthy piece,that should inspire both men and women to stand up and grow up to LOVE

  40. @Ayokumbee Avatar

    I have said this to you guys on twitter, and it seemed like a joke, but I’m so serious, I need to meet with you two amazing people! This letter just has me speechless!!!!

  41. Logical Avatar

    Sweet beginnings….10years from now I wish to know how things would be

  42. Victory Odunjo Avatar

    OMG.. This is serious.. Awesome letter

  43. Emmanuel Okebugwu Avatar

    “and there was silence…not of misery…but of hope”. To think that both of you waded through all that hatred and insecurity…into a beautiful life…gives me hope. Thank you NaijaWife…’cos without you NaijaHusband would be just another regular cool guy.

  44. ihuomaigbokwe Avatar

    O laawd! #faints#

  45. Funmi Avatar

    Naija husband, could you pls do a piece on how you guys made it back together? From that dark end to the beautiful life you have now,

    1. NaijaHusband Avatar

      It’s already in the works. Just debating whether to post it or not.

      1. Lavy Avatar

        Please post it 🙂 (unless you already have and I have yet to discover it).

      2. Naija Britico Avatar
        Naija Britico

        Please Post it o!!!! I’m curious 🙂

      3. baybee Avatar

        NaijaHusband, we’re still waiting for this… 🙂

      4. baybee Avatar

        NaijaHusband, we’re still waiting for this… 🙂

      5. Timiebix Avatar

        April 17, 2015… we are still waiting…
        I cannot even explain how this has warmed my heart. no, i choose to ignore the hint of sadness.
        post it please!!

      6. Muinat Atunnise Avatar

        2017. Still waiting for this post ooo. Thank you in advance..

        1. Tife Avatar

          2018 NH, still waiting for the piece. Beautiful blog!!

          1. NaijaHusband Avatar

            The story of how we got back together? That’s been sitting in my drafts for some time now…

  46. Crossroads Avatar

    I’m crying…..i wish this could happen to me right now……… never knew this was possible….

  47. ninirah Avatar

    I was already angry as I was reading this, I was thinking: it’s bad enough you broke her heart, now you think it’s okay to gloat about your new wife. Until I came to the part where wife and ex were the same person. Then I smiled.

    1. NaijaHusband Avatar

      We’re glad it made you smile. 🙂

  48. Hmmm... Avatar

    Just made me remember my ex. Now I have to close this blog and go to bed. How I still manage to love him after everything he did is still a wonder, though I know he is never coming back. Wish I could be even half as hard hearted as he is. I’m hopeful though, true love will find me one day I know.

    1. NaijaHusband Avatar

      It definitely will find you. Right when you need it.

  49. Nife Avatar

    goodness. Naijacouple toh bad oooo. Am in love with your love. I just happened upon ur blog tonight and am already hooked! Where have I been anyway. Softly softly ooo. Make I no throway my husband yo!

    1. NaijaHusband Avatar

      Welcome Nife. Love is a funny thing. Sometimes it has to be lost in order to find it again.

  50. Dee Avatar

    May you love for a thousand years and more. This is amazinngggg. I now believe in love.

  51. Funmieo Avatar

    Stumbled on your blog today. My husband and I tread the same path. He cried over the phone instead, cos it was a long distance relationship. Now we are married. I must say, I lurve your blog.

  52. lah-di-dah Avatar

    Absolutely stunning piece.. It totally resonates with our(my husband and I) own love story.
    Love- the right love, at the right time, is beautiful!
    Love your blog!

  53. yellowb Avatar

    wow…wow..i feel shy reading this because it seems so special that only the recipient should read it.

  54. Sheila Adam Avatar
    Sheila Adam

    Even to my ears,it sounds intimate.A letter from a man to a lady…his future lady,his current and only love,his mate and partner.

  55. onyinyechi Avatar

    Why do I have tears in my eyes though? ?????

  56. Anonymous Avatar

    Wow!!! Am blown away.

  57. mspooh404 Avatar

    This was absolutely beautiful! (I’m not crying…it’s my allergies…yeah, right…allergies.)

  58. Adedayo Makinde Avatar

    Beautiful piece NH! I love the twist. God bless your union in Jesus name, Amen! I recently discovered your blog [via the natural hair post], and I have been wondering where I have been all this while.
    God bless you both. I dey wait the make-up post o, abi you don do that one already?

  59. Cheena Avatar

    I love love love this one. My best so far. Not like it was easy deciding seeing what a talented writer you are. Nice one!!

  60. Miss C Avatar

    Just read this for the second time and still love it!!!
    Will you be posting the story of how you got back together? I remember it was a thought.

    Miss C

    1. R Avatar

      My thoughts exactly! Read it a thousand and one times. Please post how you got back together. It would guide me in making a decision too.

  61. Tee Avatar

    Hi NH. I don’t know how many times I’ve read this letter. Like others have said, I’d really love to read your piece on how you got back together. thanks.

  62. jedidahkemunto Avatar

    Aren’t you lucky!!! To lasting second chances!

  63. Delols Avatar

    This is so beautifu . I wonder how I missed it, but I’m glad I still eventually got to read it.

  64. I Renette Avatar
    I Renette

    Goodness me.

    Overwhelmed by the beauty of the piece, I sat, ‘gentle’, until I got to the twist.
    That was a damn/haabaa/competition-is-over moment.

    You are one of a kind.
    God gave you this gift.
    Thank you for sharing it.

    O ga o.

  65. Yewande Avatar

    Cried. Beautiful.

  66. Woman of the Future Avatar
    Woman of the Future

    I like everyone else didn’t anticipate the twist but I did read the comparisons between wifey and ex feeling like NH at the time needed to grow into understanding and appreciating his ex which required growing into himself as well.

  67. Kris Ovbioba Avatar
    Kris Ovbioba

    Son of Solomon of the Songs of Solomon.

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