“…NaijaHusband, I have to know all your bank account details in case anything ever happens to you and your in-laws try to push me out of our home but fail to succeed because I had the correct information about your finances and was able to reach the bank first and put a stop to their misdeeds and they won’t be able to kick any of our children out of the home and force them to become housegirls in the city where they will be molested by old men nor make me shave my head and live in a hut and have to turn to my local “fellow widows” NGO for help where they’ll give me a micro credit loan to sell bread and oranges on the street but then someone will steal my oranges and I’ll be forced to sell my body anyway….”
Nollywood has taught NaijaWife that if we don’t exercise financial wisdom, she will turn into a bald Mercy Johnson
Most of my wife’s financial motivations in life are, strangely enough, motivated by Nollywood. So like a true Nollywood film, this post will have a part 2.
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We thought Too Much Book would be controversial, but a recent twitter discussion on finances showed us that nothing gets people more riled up than money. Mention finances and suddenly bullets and stones start flying…no wonder it’s the number one cause of divorce.
Reading through most of the responses we received on twitter when we divulged what our financial system was, it occurred to me that most of the beliefs many of us carry, are affected by the culture and background we come from.
The man your mother probably warned you about. Yes…I said it.
If you come from an environment where your mother always told you “Eh?! Spend money on a man keh?! IDIOOOOOT! He will spend your money on other women! Such a man is not a man! He is an infidel!” Then even the thought of sharing your bank account number with the man you marry will make you break out with kraw-kraw rashes.
Or maybe you were raised to think that women are “objects to be spoiled and petted” by their husbands and a man’s sole purpose in life is to spend money on women, acquiring women, and maintaining his numerous women. What do you care if he’s a philanderer? As long as he “takes care of you”, you can’t be bothered. Your top priority then, when looking for a husband, would be the size of his wallet.
Your father probably had Miss Pepeye in mind when he warned you about “all women”.
On the other end of the extreme spectrum, you might be a man who was raised to think that all women were born to do is eat a man’s money, and that you had to be wary of any woman who wants to know what you earn, or what you do with your money…even if that woman is your wife.
NaijaWife once told me about a dead beat ex-boyfriend who, even though he had a well paying job and she was (as usual) a broke student, would insist that he’d forgotten his money at home, and make her pay for dates, or claim that he “would have bought her a Birthday/Anniversary/Xmas present if not for the fact that his uncle who was flying in from America had forgotten to purchase the gift on time and so would she be willing to wait until next year?” (Yes. he actually said that. Luckily NaijaWife was too smart for that!)
Point is, experiences affect the way we think. We all (both men and women) marry based on potential and reality. Is he earning money? Will he continue to earn money? Is she educated? Is she going to cling on my neck like a ball and chain all her life? Will her parents hook me up with shares in their oil bloc? Yet, no matter the current answers to these questions we ask, our credit crisis generation has seen that banks will crash, markets will fail, pipelines will burst and university drop outs will create billion dollar start ups. There are just no guarantees in this world we live in. The best we can do is exercise wisdom before we jump into a life time of marriage, while understanding that the future is still uncertain.
Let’s rewind back a few years to before NaijaWife and I got married.
We’d gradually become a more serious couple and were having one of our “necessary” talks (or so she called them) on the future, when one night, during dinner, NaijaWife suddenly leaned over to me and asked:
“How much do you make?”
Swallowing my last bit of food down as slowly as possible, I pretended I hadn’t heard.
So she repeated the question.
“Why do you want to know?” I asked. Like a true Nigerian, responding to her question with a question.
“Well…why not? If we get married I’d have to know anyway right? We might as well start practicing being open with each other.”
This was a tough pill to swallow. Like any human, I find it difficult to trust someone with vital information about me. What if she considered my salary to be too low? Or worse, too high? What if we broke up on the way to the altar and she carried the information about my salary to her friends in spite?
Ignoring the panic on my face, she went on. “Either way… I want you to know that I’m in debt.”
“Debt?” I asked. “How much…?”
Then she whispered the figure to me.
I choked on my drink… and decided to cut dinner short.
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What happened next? Watch out for Part II…!
Oh dearrrrr!!!!!
NIce, great to have you guys take on finance in relationships.
True that our perceptions are inspired by our backgrounds.
Time to unlearn and re-learn stuff I guess, Waiting for Part II. Thanks for your honest posts, and i love @Naijawife’s candour. Like saying, I’m asking how much you make, not cos I don’t have skeletons in my cupboard too. If it makes you more comfortable, I’m in debt. LOL.
Great peice.
Lol. Debt ke? I think money should be the last problem for any couple who understands their financial standpoint and lives within the means.
Erm, Part 2 is coming up in 5 minutes, right???
As in? No fair!
Hahahahaha
Meeeehn, money is a serious issue o. I don’t tell anyone how much I make. If I really trust you, I can give an estimate or range.
As for DearFutureWifey sha, I don’t want her to be completely dependent on me. She should have her own source of income too.
About sharing, I like the option of a joint bank account.
Hahahaha “in debt.” Forewarned. Love the honesty
Hehehehe…trust Naijawife…she brings new meaning to hilarious&candour…lol.. Experiences&Socializations won’t be the death of us yet…Relationships require trust inn EVERY ramification.you cannot not be financially committed to your Significant Other…
I appreciate your standpoint.@exercising wisdom…spot on!
P.s;I second Berry’s comment…we are holding our breath for Part 2 oh.
Lmaaaaooo!!!! Pls hurry with part two!!!!!!!!
erm, when there are no guarantees, then whats with the marrying of potentials since there is still no guarantee on the potential(random thought)?
and i like Naijawife’s way of getting her reply… the debt issues(lol)
and hope the part 2 is guaranteed?
LMAO! Part 2 please!!!!
Once a couple are open and can trust each other in their finances, all others are pretty easy!
Part 2, part 2 where art thou?
You are already in debt of part two. >_>
There’s a specific reason I love your blog. You guys are real, open and honest about what marriage is. I enjoy the humorous way you paint real issues. Totally amazing. I trust God to keep you guys together forever. Looking forward to part 2 🙂
No fair. The suspense is too much. Please post part 2 quickly.
Looooool!!! Naijawife oooooo!!!!
(´⌣`ʃƪ) Thank you so much for this piece. I mean, if you want to really get serious, why would you hide from your partner such an important piece of info. It doesn’t mean your partner has turned into your personal ATM ooo (awon onigbese’s) ( ‘-‘). Work for yo’ own damn money but don’t keep shit from each other. Pizz. (˘̯˘ )/
Waiting for Part 2 🙂
I couldn’t stop laughing through that intro!!!
Thanks for this blog! Part 2 comes up like right now bah?
Hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!This couple will not kill me! I love how real you both are mehn! Oya oya oya,part 2!!!
Lool. I sey wait for part 2 o.
Part 2 pleasee!!!!!
Thank you for this post, I have heard about the havoc finance can play in a marriage if not wisely handled so it will be very interesting to learn from you!
PS.. Bets Naijawife that ex-boyfy did not try at all.. Present next year??! Kai! Thank God for Naijahusband mehn.. And we all say.. AMEN lol
PPS Kindly do a post on recognising dead-beat fellows and how to avoid them + recognising NaijaHusband-types and how to recognise them, for us ‘in-waiting’ xxxx
True talk naijahusband, upbringing affects our perception about finances. Things are changing now but some married people still find it difficult to change their mind set.If you really love your marriage mate then what’s the thing about your money and my money? Its our money…paradigm shift needed people!!!!
waiting for part 2…
stop your hair breakage
And the wait for part 2 begins. I love naijawife’s openness. She reminds me of me.
Sometimes I wonder if NW is for real. But we have had a convo and i know she is. Nne i di egwu…
Loool
NH, I di egwu too because you have to ‘di egwu’ to be married too and keep up with a phenomenal phenomenon like NW.
Love your blog btw. This should be my first comment yeah?
Even though I have been reading your blog like I have an exam on it soon lol
Plus I see a lot of my FRIENDS here sha. Loool
Now hitting the SUBSCRIBE button so I can target first to comment lol
E’
http://www.eziaha.com
Lmao. Omg! C’mon! Part2? You should have at least finished the story. Loved the post. More grease
Can we get part two (2) already?(*pouting like a spoilt insolent child*)
Oh the money conversations.
Being the confirmed ijebu I am and the Father Christmas my husband is, he leaves it all to me to handle. He trusts my judgement. I mean couples need to find what works for them and work it. If not wahala go dey plenty.
Nice one. NW is my kinda babe jare.
Nice one NC (That’s Naija Couple)
Mrs. D
http://Www.marriagebythebook.blogspot.com
Hehe. Loving dis. Can hardly wait for part 2
Naija wife, she’s amazing (funny). Waiting for Part 2
Ah!! Part two?? Dis wait fit cause kasala for here oo!
http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com
ah! part 2!
Nj husband. Please give us part two before I d list you oh lol. Yes, now resorting to threats.
Gosh, I love the openess you guys have. I especially love Naijawife and admire her ability to communicate the things she means – regardless of how hard the topic is. I plan to adopt this in my next relationship – having the courage to talk about the ‘necessary’ things, since I already think of them anyways. I love and respect you guys and want you to know you are inspirational.
ahn ahn…naijahusband! Where is our part 2 now? Has naijawife ceased your laptop? Pleeeaaaassseeeeeee…
*seized* not ceased
I swear I’m taking some serious notes from Naija Wife! I love her tactics die!!!
Lol!
Please, what’s the name of the Nigerian movie above with Mercy Johnson? Thanks!
Heart of a Widow . Enjoy! Naijawife
Thank you! 🙂
Lmao.. Reality don dawn! 🙂 You guys, thanks for this