Read Part 1 of Chop My Money for some context
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The way I grabbed NaijaWife and bolted out of the building, the restaurant must have thought I had diarrhea.
Ruminating over the information she’d given me, I kept silent in the car headed to her house after our short dinner. I dropped her off without a word and went home, still deep in thought.
I had to really think on this one. Running some calculations in my head, I asked myself, how many years would it take to pay that off? How would we live if she didn’t find work as well? If she alone paid that debt how long would it take her to pay it? What would they do to her if she didn’t pay it?
That night I didn’t call her as was my usual practice. (Later she would tell me she thought my silence was a sign that I was going to end things with her). Instead I stayed up late, creating an excel sheet. Forecasting expected interest over the next 5, 10, 20 years, what would be the expected final payment? I realized that if she didn’t pay it off quickly, the debt would balloon. But to pay it off within a few years would require cash. Heavy cash.
Few things can make you question your commitment to someone more…than the thought that you might be taking on their debt.
You may have already guessed that it was educational debt. This kind of debt might not be a problem most Nigerians consider before embarking on relationships, as they’re usually too busy worrying about genotypes. But it’s something that Nigerians like NaijaWife, who sought a graduate degree in the U.S., have to face as their reality. (If you’d like to learn more about this issue try reading this Wall Street Journal article here and check out Relentless Builder’s cover of the topic here)
Despite great scores, she’d only been given a partial scholarship and was told by the school that it was their standard policy to include loans in every student’s financial aid package to cover all remaining costs. They convinced her that she was “certain” to get a nice job after graduating that would help her to pay off the private loan in “no time”. Knowing she didn’t have rich parents or relatives to turn to for the money to attend, and hearing the same story from the other schools she’d been accepted to, she had little choice but to believe their explanation that the loan wouldn’t be that hard to pay off at the end of the program.
But….
NaijaWife soon began to panic about just how bad the debt would be when, on the first day of classes, they were herded into a room for a mandatory “financial counseling” session. As they sat around anxiously, a tall, sober looking man carrying a dark briefcase, walked to the front of the room and paced around for five minutes without saying a word.
“First of all..” He began. “Let me congratulate you on your acceptance into this school. Only 8% of all applicants were accepted into this program. You are in this room now because you were one of the chosen few. You are also in this room because you’ve had to take a loan to attend this school and probably have no idea what that means.”
“Well do not be dismayed. I am going to tell you how to live economically until you pay off your loans.”
Then he opened his briefcase, and took out a plastic sandwich bag.
In debt? Need to eat but you can’t find any money to borrow? Don’t worry! Hope is in sight! With this revolutionary new financial planning tool called – The Sandwich Bag
“This sandwich bag is your new best friend. Take one everywhere you go. And when I say everywhere, I mean do not leave home without it. Keep one in your pocket or in your purse. You will soon notice that on this campus, there will be many special events held where meals will be served. Carry this around so that anytime you see food, you can put it inside. This way, you will save money on groceries. The more money you save, the quicker you can pay off your loans.”
Everyone in the room was stunned. Some started laughing nervously but…being who she is, NaijaWife sharply raised her hand and asked: “What if you’re not invited to that event?”
“Learn to move quickly on your feet.” he replied.
When he spent the next 10 minutes handing out free sandwich bags to the students in the room, NaijaWife realized she had exchanged ASUU wahala for American gbese.
So she spent her time at the school worming her way into every random event she could. Be it the “Secret Ninja Assassin’s” annual gala, the “People Watching Club” weekly meeting, or the board elections for the “Society of Anonymous Feminists”, you’d usually find her in the back corner of the room by the food table, stuffing goodies into her bag.
Well…hungry, broke and debt ridden she still graduated and carried her foreign degree back to Nigeria, where jobs are hard to find and the salaries couldn’t come close to what she needed to clear the loans…and as her debt gained more interest, her panic increased.
Fast forward to the time we started dating seriously when, rather than hide the facts about her crushing debt, she wanted me to know the truth.
When she whispered the figure to me that night, my first thoughts were that if we broke up I wouldn’t have to pay it. But if we stayed together and got married, then there was no doubt that my hard-earned money would go into that seemingly endless pit. I’d always dreamt of retiring at 40, but if I took her debt on that dream would fade away. If I let her go, my other dream of spending the rest of my life with her would also disappear.
Well, you already know what choice I made.
You also already know that NaijaWife was the number one Efiko of our pre-engagement counseling class. So on the day when they covered the unit of money, and the pastor asked “Who do you think is in charge of providing for the family?” NaijaWife’s hand shot straight up into the air.
Please….Please, Pick me!
“Ooooohh! Pick me ! Pick me! Pick me!” As she danced above her seat. As usual, she was the only one volunteering so she was the only one they called on.
After the pastor nodded to her to respond, NaijaWife stood up slowly, straightened her blouse, and answered:
“The husband.”
Then she turned back to me, smiling coyly.
“Wrong.” – replied the Pastor
And the smile on NaijaWife’s face disappeared.
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Oh did you think that part 2 was the end? Well, watch out for the final installment (we promise) this week. Part 3 of Chop My Money.
Wow! I loved this. NH’s response ( the excel sheet modelling) was so sweet, kinda said, this isn’t shaking me off. I know not a few good men who may have started considering putting NW away kindly. LOL. Can’t wait for Part 3. Thanks for sharing, I still love you guys very much.
Wow. I’m touched by this story.
Financial security and stability is very important to me. And something I’d like to really discuss and plan with DearFutureWife. I hate the thought of both of us playing mental games about our finances.
I respect you, NH, for your actions and analysis after NW told you about her financial dilemma.
And kudos to that Pastor for wiping that coy smile off her face! See her mouth like “The Husband!” *sneers*
Lols!
““Secret Ninja Assassin’s” annual gala”
LMAO 🙁 ASUU wahala is the lesser evil. Seeing that your account balance doesn’t have to be on -0000. Naija husband is really brave. 🙂
*secret ninja assasins*that cracked me up….I think I’ll take up the sandwich bag flow would really help me out….and me I agree with naija wife,its the responsiblity of the husband.
Which kind suspense wahala be dis? I will stop reading this your blog o! . OK, I realize I’m not the one holding the trump card here. Abeg, come back and finish this story soon and let me have closure.
LOOOOOL at the ela the pastor gave her
I think all intending couples need to take classes on how to manage finances too. helps during the marriage
Arghhhhhh…
Naija Husband Part 33333…you are worse than Nollywood, lol, We need closure na!
>>>> but you are a very brave man sticking with @Naijawife…many Nigerian guys will run away as fast as their legs can carry them hearing ‘debts’.
Fortunately for my future husband, I just cleared out my huge debt otherwise, I would have had to refer him to Naijahusband for ‘coping counselling’…
God continually bless your marriage Naijawife & Naijahusband
i’m not sure why people run. Your girlfriend’s student loan will not become your debt when you marry. the student loan people won’t come after you if she stops paying. And usually people with student loans usually used them for higher degrees which should mean higher earning potential unless they fall into the unfortunate category that took loans for dead end careers
I’m not even going to try psyching Naija Wife into telling you to post anything for the next 6 months…
In any case, what happens if/when it’s the other way around? As in, the man has debt…
This is the question I’m most interested in
Same issue I’ve got :S
LMAO @ asuu wahala for american gbese. Not many men can do that, honestly. God bless you guys
Part 3 o!!!!!!
This is all soo sweet :D…
Marriage can be so cute though.
Hmmmmm……I know this too well…while I am almost sure that my own debt cant be aa high as NW’s, I know the plenty calculations that have to go into repaying student loan….and might I add that those people are brutal!!!!!!! I get paper mails in Nigeria, reminding me about my loan…lmao….God dey sha… na soul wey borrow money wey go pay am. Emi to je gbese lo maa san.
Very few men would be brave enough to still stick with her. Regardless of how heavy the debt must have weighed on u guys, u cast fear aside and decided to take on it together. That is true love, for perfect love casteth out all fear. Great going you two 🙂
Hahahahahah…hehehehehe…hohohohoho…I know there are deep lessons in this post but let me laugh first. lol. I love you guys abeg. Naija wife, I love you more. I could just picture you jumping up and down so you could answer the question. It’s sad that a lot of intending couples don’t discuss finance, as if money is not important. Did I say I love you guys?
iWait 🙂
It’s so refreshing that you guys just laid it out on the table. I tell you, a guy can book a date for intro-mimo, buy the ring, know all your financial issues, but when you ask him what is his on bottom line, all you will hear is silence. God dey…. I ran.
Soo interesting… I am looking forward to itt!
U’ve got to be kidding me? Part 3? Do you know how long I’ve been trolling this website?
Hiohiohiohiohiohiohio! However you came up with the title, “the cost of love”, is just perfect!
Genotypes is a good topic for intending couples, but mehn, finances? together and alone, that one must be thoroughly (mutually understood). God does the providing.
Totally deep on too many levels, this blog…… Love you both…. 🙂
How much is this debt sef that wanted to give u a coronary?
You’re worse than Nollywood. What kind of suspense is this again?
Ah,dis suspense is killing ooo!
Ah swear,I held my heart to stop it frm falling when I saw watch out 4part 3.
#crying#
Issorite,I am waiting.
http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com
Glad to read from you both naijacouple and learn beautiful down to earth truths…
Thank you both for sharing, your blog has been a blessing ever since I stumbled on it… May God ever continually bless your home, may He daily create new levels of love and friendship between you both….
Waiting patiently for the part 3
THANK YOU for this topic.. In my naivety, I have never actually considered thinking about the place of finances in marriage.. Please I’m also interested in finding out, ‘how about if its the man that is indebted?” + What if both of them are hugely in debt? Should they go ahead? (This is now similar to genotype criteria!)
Excel spreadsheet ke??? ejo ejo… you are a good person. Don’t let anyone tell u otherwise. You’re a blessing in a generation of wife beaters and crazy cheating husbands. *hails*. Keep being awesome, it’ll take u faaaarrrr….
The exchange of ASUU Wahala for American Gbese is REAL! Kare Oko Iyawo! ;p
lol. *hypertenshun tinz* The importance of being honest about one’s financial status can really not be over-emphasized. A lot of people over-look the financial implication of marriage. They forget that there are some problems Spiri-koko or love nwantiti cannot solve. Thanks for putting this out there. Roll in Part 3 already!
True love
Hmmm!
Part 3 pls.
I’m in stitches, lol! “Pick mee! Pick mee! Mee!” As I read through to the end, I couldn’t help but think about setting up an appointment for counseling at my bank. Grad school is in talks and only my folks are encouraging/understanding. Everyone else, including the media seem to be fixated on the job market crisis and the astronomical rates of student loan defaults. Na wa o
I thought it was always the husband o. NH please finish now nit fair
Great lessons have gleaned from these “chop my money” ….its always a pleasure reading your blog…keep it up and God bless you both.