Friend Zoned

My first clue should have been the text messages.

Earlier in our marriage, Naijawife could send me up to 30 messages a day.  Mostly in the same theme.

whatsapp1

 

whatsapp 1.5

 

I don’t mean to share too much information, but that’s what I was used to seeing from her.  Those mid-morning “thinking about you” reminders that she was so fond of.  They were the kind of messages that made you not really want to concentrate at work anymore.

And then at some point the tone of the messages started to change…

whatsapp2

So yeah, the romance may have been fading a bit.  But I wasn’t worried.

Until the messages took a new turn.

When did I go from "Sweetheart" to "Bros"?!!

When did I go from “Sweetheart” to “Bros”?!!

and

Mr. Man??

Mr. Man??

Followed by

Broda Mi???

Broda Mi???

Not gonna lie. That “broda mi” message hurt the most.  It was like I jumped and passed the Friend Zone to enter straight into….

The Brother Zone

brother zone

And then, as if the messages weren’t enough, and as if it wasn’t already mortifying to be friend/brother zoned by my own wife, she started talking like that in public.  At one party, she actually introduced me as her “bestie.”

The confusion on my face was only matched by the confused look on the face of the person she introduced me to.

“Bestie?  Thought you were coming with your husband?”

“Ah ah. He IS my husband.”

“Awww! I get it!  You’re married and you’re best friends.  That’s so sweet.  You two are really blessed.”

Naijawife smiled at this response.  While I continued looking confused.

Besties?  With my own wife?

Well that was my wake up call. I may not be the most astute man on the planet, but eventually I can take a hint.  I knew I was lucky I had even noticed, so I thought to myself…maybe I can step in and do something to fix this now.

So I had a good…long…think, and really reflected on what had happened to us.

The change must have happened somewhere in between my long hours and long nights at work.  It must have crept in during the weekends I went into the office or the times I stayed up late blogging and answering #AskNaijaCouple emails.  Maybe it happened when I had to cancel a vacation we’d been planning for a long time. but either way, I knew I’d been missing in action for a while.  At first I assumed she was cool with it, but the complaints kept rolling in. “You haven’t been home for a full week in a long time.” “You’re always traveling.” “When are you coming home?”

Well after some reflection, I realized that I remembered the complaints…but I didn’t remember talking about them.

Eventually she stopped complaining and I assumed she had finally adjusted.  Surely she understood that work was busy?  She had to get that I was making more money right?  She should have been happy I was hustling for our future…right?

Better safe than sorry.  So I thought I’d ask her just to be sure.

At first she denied it…”What are you on about? I was just joking when I called you “broda mi” can’t you take a joke?”

But I continued prodding.

Until finally she exploded.

“Well what did you expect?” “Do you think you can ignore me all this time and I’ll just sit here and take it quietly?  You’re NEVER here! And even when you are, you still AREN’T!  You used to call me six times a day! But now nothing!  When I call you at work you’re busy.  When I text you, you take forever to respond. You come in after a long trip and you head straight for your computer. That blasted laptop gets more action than I do!  Then when you’re done caressing your computer, you go and fellowship with your television.  Then you crawl into bed exhausted while I lay there ANGRY and you don’t even notice!  So tell me now, what did you THINK was going to happen?  Do I look like a lump of wood to you?  Do you think I don’t have needs or emotions?  At this point, we might as well just be housemates!”

To be continued….

 

 

 

NaijaHusband

Welcome to the musings of the “not so typical” Naijahusband and his lovely Naijawife. Follow us on Twitter: NaijaHusband and NaijaWife

34 Comments

  1. Choi! Jumped pass friend into brother zone! Glad you picked up on it soon! Waiting for the conclusion to this…

  2. OMG!!!!
    You guys are beautiful!
    I learnt me some lessons while laughing all the way loud!
    #WelcomeBack

    Ehen, “that blasted laptop gets more attention than I do…” sounds familiar, NW & NH: reminds me of “the toilet which NH used to give more attention too”…
    (Did you notice that I’m indirectly seeking update to the toilet/bathroom drama… lol)
    Thanks guys… Kisses from the other ide!

  3. It had been a long wait and now naijahusband served only half portion! Can’t wait for the full story. You always get me glued to the end.

  4. I smiled so hard when the notification of your new post came in!

    Communication is key in marriage, it was good you asked her about it and continued probing . Looking forward to reading the second part.

  5. This is so me (my marital life) right now. Waiting to see how you guys resolved this. Am sure it took some guts to write this…

  6. LOLLLLL!!!!
    We went through this phase in Year 3 of our marriage
    Sweet!

  7. I’ve missed you guys! Keep dishing your truths with just the amount of humour.

  8. Welcome back!!!!! You have been missed. Smiled when I saw the post notification in my inbox and having to read this in a library is really hard because every inch of me wants to laugh loudly! Great work with the humour and kudos for writing this. Eagerly waiting for part 2.

  9. Welcome back!!! This is so exciting! I blinked a couple of times when I got the notification.

    I am sending this to my husband to read. It is actually easy to slip into bro zone. The key is that you realized it and I’m sure you will work to rectify it.

  10. Yes!!!! I must confess that I’ve been refreshing this page for a while and I’m glad someone in an online group I’m in sent the link.
    Welcome back!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I look forward to how you guys resolve this because it’s a great way for us singupringu to learn how to deal with this before we marry. Something like an expo abi leaked paper.

  11. Welcome back NH, just don’t make us wait for too long mbok. Missed you guys.

  12. Welcome back. Hope you got out sharp sharp from friend and brother zone.

    Couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the notification. The smile on my face eh. Looking forward to the next episode.

  13. Happy you’re back, we really missed your blog cos we learnt alot from it.

  14. Oooh! What are the odds! I thought of you last night but could only remember to check this morning. Glad to hear you back. I thought Naijawife had a baby hence the silence.
    Sorry but I’m glad u’re having a challenge and sorting it out. This is the REAL face of marriage and I wish you wisdom to tackle it so we can all learn.
    Please keep keeping it real! My love to your wife

  15. Choi! Bros mi….err sorry Egin NaijaHusband wo ti gbe gbagi seriously. Lol.
    Me sef I don join NaijaWife as you just ‘disfarahan’, but it’s all good now that you are back.
    Thanks for ‘this’…that awesome part of marriage no one really talks about 🙂

  16. LMAO! the koko is you finally noticed and now u know the issue so u can figure out a solution and get out of Bestie/Broda zone. Her top love language seems to be ‘Quality Time’.

  17. Awww so glad to have you back missed this blog!

    Read every post on this blog sometime back, i recently got married so i think i might need to re-read all the posts again!

    Welcome back!

  18. Eeeewo brotherly!!! I saw the trend and connotations…you go dey alright. Thanks for the enlightening read, looking forward to the concluding part(s).

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